Turbulence

Some of the stuff that I've written when I was in severe depression due to my f-ing masters project that seemed to be delayed over and over and over again (up to more than half a year now) and with no prospect of getting graduated.... :\ Actually, by typing those words, I actually cringed in real life lol. How sad is that?

Honestly speaking, I still think the words that I've typed rings true - it's just that I'm kinda numb to the depressing parts and decided to be happier instead. :) 

There will be one day in your life that you will realise that this is not what you signed up for. That this is not what you want. Although you may not know exactly what you want, but deep down, you know this is not what you want. Yet something within you is holding you back somehow, preventing you from leaving. Then the battle ensues within you, forever raging, never forgiving. This is will go on until you do something about it. Either you grit your teeth and swim through the muck you've landed in or you try to break free no matter the consequences. This may be a sign of depression or this may be a sign of a 'mid-life' crisis. No matter what, you know that this is real enough and that it's making you a wreck of nerves. - Me

Understanding - as opposed to feeling - was the root of the problem. Although you very much understand that having an emotional breakdown at this time is not wise, your feelings are surging, unrelenting... they are breaking the barriers that you've constructed to keep them in. It is just too much. - Me

This is my reaction to everything I feel. - Weightless, All Time Low.

All that I ever wanted in life is to have a stable and fulfilling job with sufficient income and to be happy. I'm happy when I'm at home with my parents, with my books and laptop, with my BF. I used to think that by studying more, I can get to the job part easier and faster. I was so wrong. Instead now I'm here, stuck with no income, no stable job, no bright future/job prospect, in addition to being really unhappy every time I went to the lab. Is this worth the suffering in order to get that f-ing certificate? I guess I already knew the answer to that question. Then, why am I still here? - Me

Life is like the rapids. Most of us are just hanging on for dear life onto anything that can even remotely hold us. There may be selfish people who are dragging the person hanging in front of them away into the rapids in order for them to snatch their spot - a spot that may seem better at that time. Some of us who are stronger are able to dig their feet into the riverbed and stand stolidly against the rushing waters. Some are even able to, against all odds, swim against the surging currents to reach the safer and calmer waters. And then there are people who are using the other people as stepping stones to reach dry land and perhaps will even stand there and laugh at the other people who are still stuck in the turbulent currents of life. - Me

There is a reason why I don't talk that much... especially to people that I don't like, that I fear, that I don't know. I prefer to communicate via written words. Even if I have an urge to communicate, I'd say 99% of the time, it's through writing and about 60% of it will end up here on my blog (either as a published post or as a draft lol). - Me