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Monday, April 19, 2010

Nick Carter - I Got You

People tell me, you stay where you belong
But all my life I've tried
To prove them wrong
They say I'm looking for
Something that can't be found
They say I'm missing out
If my feet don't touch the ground

But there are moments
When you can't deny what's true
Just an ordinary day
Like when I met you

It's funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believe in
The world on the outside is trying to pull me in
But they can't touch me
'Cause I........ got you

I got you
Oh yeah

I want to thank you
For all of the things you've done
And most for choosing me
To be the one

It's funny how life can take new meaning
You came and changed what I believe in
The world on the outside is trying to pull me in
But they can't touch me
'Cause I........ got you

And it hits me when I reach for you
That I'm afraid you won't be there
Maybe I am in too deep
But I *don't care........*

(Where would I belong)
*I got you....*
Yeah
I want to prove them wrong

I've got you yeah
You can't deny what's true.. no
They can't touch me, yeah yeah

I got you
I got *you*
oh yeahh
I got you baby

You can't deny what's true
No, they can't touch me
'Cause I......... got you

"Need I say more? Haha" - S.Y

Nick Carter - Help Me

I wish I could define
All the thoughts that crossed my mind
They seem too big for me to choose
I don't know which ones to lose
When I'm falling down so far
I think I'll never see your light
Bouncing off of me
Shining down here from your eyes

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my pur-pose is here

It's like I got the signals crossed
With messages I can't decode
Half asleep, never wide awake
And I'm in, complete overload
I got- so much information here
And nothing I can really grasp
I should know the truth
But I'm too afraid so I have to ask

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me (Help me)
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my pur-pose is here

Wanna know you
More than anything
I need you
In my every dream, you're there for me
Do you love me?
For who I am, no angel
Just an ordinary man

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle
Trying to understand why I can't
Why you're such a riddle
Got my eyes crossed
I'm thinking so hard and I know I'm missing the mark
Can you help me sort out
All this information
I'm just rackin' my brain, baby
Paying attention
But I'm still lost
And at all costs
I
I gotta know (gotta know, oh)

Help me
Figure out the difference
Between right and wrong
Weak and strong
Day and night
Where I belong and
Help me (Help me)
Make the right decisions
Know which way to turn
Lessons to learn
And just what my purpose is here

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle
Trying to understand why I can't
Why you're such a riddle
Got my eyes crossed
I'm thinking so hard and I know -I'm missing the mark
Can you help me sort out
All this information
I'm just rackin' my brain, baby
Paying attention
But I'm still lost
And at all costs
I gotta know

"I LOVE BSB! Haha! Even though this is not actually a BSB song but it's close - one of its members (Nick) came out with this. *wub*" - S.Y

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Who cares?

Hi there! It has been awhile since my last post. :P I've been rather busy raiding and PvPing and such so... well... here goes!

I've read an article, um, more like a Big Brother column, in the Star and was rather shocked with the similarity of the problems faced by the person called Numb and I.

"Usually I listen (to the heart pouring) and give my advice but I often find that, when a person is so troubled, everything falls on deaf ears. Why do people look for friends when they have problems? When they are happy, they don't share as much."

Well, in my case, it's more like 'Why I don't pour my heart out to my friends when I'm very troubled?'. I just kept them inside or perhaps tell my mum about it but it's usually the former. I just keep bottling them up until the day I explode I guess. >.<

"I also wonder how some people can talk (probably 'bad' stuffs) about others and then act like he or she never said anything behind their backs. Yet they seem to have a lot of friends. I hardly do that but don't have as many friends."

This is so true! Maybe it's because those 'friends' are afraid of being talked bad about and thus become friends with the person that will probably talk bad about them? I don't know... it's just that my rather anti-social nature do prevent me from making friends... it's my overprotection of my privacy plus I like to live in my own world (day-dreaming). The current situation here is - I am known by other people but we are not friends (just classmates) and I don't know my classmates (I can recognise their faces but I can't remember the names. I'm having difficulty to remember my high school friends' names as well. >.<)

"I used to care what others say about me and was a really sensitive person but I am not anymore. I've learned to be numb and I'm tired of trying to fit into their circle."

This is semi-true for me. I still think I'm a bit sensitive although I've tried to become numb to the world. It's like - if someone said that you're a douche, I'll still feel hurt by the comment but will later dismiss it as jealousy or something else. And I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I am not! I'm not exactly clever by birth or anything (although during high school, I might think that way); I'm not exactly the luckiest person around either. My results came purely from my efforts and my understanding. However, my results are dropping rather badly recently - I messed up pretty bad during my bio mid-sem. I thought I did well in my statistics mid-sem but it turns out that I didn't (is 9/12 good? the highest is 11. I was hoping to get 10 at least). Is my expectations too high? I feel so disappointed with myself. I hope to get more friends that won't shun me although I expressed nil interest when they're talking about dramas or cosmetics or fashion (like the current group of friends that I'm hanging out with =) ).

"I've learnt to stay away from big groups of friends as I do not like feeling left out. Each time that happens, I start to wonder if there is anything wrong with me. Is there?"

During high school, I have two main groups of friends and two best pals (That's you Amelia and Lydia!) :) But now, I'm sticking with my current group of friends without trying to make new friends. It's like I'm afraid of reaching out to people for the fear of being hurt. Was I hurt before? I don't even know myself. It's very hard to mix into other people's band of friends if you are not from the same 'tune'/ 'channel'. I had always thought that my friends kept me in their group because I deliver good results during assignments... I thought I was being used... I might be wrong.

'Big brother's reply'
"You see too much of the truth that you have become disillusioned and jaded. You tried to help but they just seem to forget the moment they walk away"

Maybe I'm just longing for more recognition, more appreciation of what I've managed to do.

"Knowing those around you, you fear they will know your weakness, fears and doubts. so you shut off, you find that you do not fit but it hurts all the same."

True there. I don't want my own friends to, someday, use my weaknesses to manipulate or exploit me. It's that fear that had distanced me with my friends. Plus, I've always thought that I might be better off in a fantasy world of my own, having an adventure, rather than being here. I should be a writer, shouldn't I? =|

"Don't be afraid to reach out to those whom you feel are worth your friendship."

Now, you've said it.

"Give without expectations, share without asking. True friends are those who will understand and give back without being asked."

Give without expectation... now that's tough. I always have a faint idea of what I hope I'd get in return. Am I being too well.. I dunno what to call that as.. hmm. And those friends of mine (including my high school friends mind), didn't always give back or maybe they gave back the wrong thing (the thing that I don't want/need)


Oh well, guess this is it. I'm logging off to do my report for awhile. Cya!

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

A story.. about the sky.

"Skydwellers.

The sound of that word will never feel good on my lips. If we're meant to fly, then the god/s would have given us wings!

We aren't always like this, you know. There was once a time when humans walk the earth, feeling the good old soil under their very feet or under the soles of their shoes. But it was all.. all taken away by...... the Nuclear Apocalypse."

Tentative children sat in front of me staring, hanging onto my every word. A particularly small boy caught my eye. Being smaller in size, he was always bullied around by others as I had observed when I was doing my daily walk around the Ship. I ruffled his messy brownish hair for a moment, with his beautiful blue eyes following my hand movement, and turned back to the mesmerized audience.

"That devastating war had taken from us.. no, it had ripped us of our birthright! Countries - yes, there had been countries - fought so.. so hard against each other. All because of the black gold.. all because of greed."

I eyed the children as I said this. Many of them stared back at me innocently. Soon, they'll grow up.. and soon, they'll learn that life's not as ideal as they seem. At that very moment, I pity them and yet envy them for their innocence.

Clearing my throat, I continued, "Billions had died on that day... the population of the world plummeted to a mere few million. And yet, the survivors' numbers are dwindling by the day. The radiation is just too much, even the nuclear bunkers is not enough to protect them! Humanity was brought to its knees! And its all because of greed hiding under the false pretense of trying to maintain peace. Bah!"

"Yet, from that million people, only a few thousand managed to board this Ship. the Ship that had saved us.. and had brought is time to recuperate. To help salvage whatever we can, and to help the Earth heal back to her natural beauty once more."

"But!" I barked, suddenly leaning forward. The children recoiled in surprise. "But, that will take millions of years... the years to clear the land of radiation, to clear the land of the unimaginable horrors - the mutants - that lurk the earth. I'm dare say, even you all will not live to see that day... the day we can finally rid ourselves of this flying metal container, to be able to walk the earth once more."

I nodded at the children's solemn faces as they started to leave for their homes.

They deserve to know the truth, I thought. They deserve to know what their ancestors had done and what it had cost them and us, the future generation. They should know...

I stood up from my chair and walked towards the window. The beautiful yet artificial looking view caught my attention as it always do. Luck.. it's luck that had saved us, I thought. It was very lucky that the Ship's Project was completed before the war started; it was lucky that a few of the survivors had worked under this project; it's lucky that one of them actually had the code to activate it...

Bending my stiff knees, I walked to the small garden outside. How many had died when we tried to make a break for this Ship? How many? The limited radiation suits had drastically reduced the number of survivors. Not to mention the sudden discovery of the mutants - disfigured and misshapen-ed creatures - as human-eaters. Even the plants had started to pick off people, one-by-one, from our rag-tag band of scientists and lab workers. The plants gobbled poor Dr Pang whole! The thought of it popped goosebumps all over my body. If the current Earth is not hell, I'm not sure what is.

Something bright blinded me for a moment. Shielding my tired eyes, I saw the sunlight glittering off the solar panels on the sides of our transparent dome - our cell.

It was a major feat to be able to construct such a marvelous Ship. It had everything a person could want - shops, malls, restaurants and row and rows of residential houses. There are even hydroponic green houses to grow food in (we are mostly vegetarians now, although meat is still available - there is a few animal farms here - but it is very hard and expensive to come by), a enormous air purifying machine and a huge water recycling 'factory' at the end of the Ship. There are even cars - electric ones mind you, so as not to pollute the air. Everything and anything, it seems, had been well taken care off. It was also well stocked for a take off when we took over it.

There's even a major science facility with chemical supplies that will last for a very long time, provided of course we exercise moderation. It was this facility that had helped us to create the new generation if test tube babies - since most of the females are rendered infertile as a result of the radiation.

Also, since most of the survivors, who have had ready access to radiation suits, are scientists themselves, it is easy to start a breeding program. The engineers took care of the Ship and its course while the botanists took care of the greenhouse plants. It was all done systematically and without much argument as they know.. we know.. all we will ever have is us. We have tried to save as many people as possible. We've flied to the most remote areas around the world to seek for survivors. We did our very best but still we could not have imagined how many that we had missed and was left to perish in that devilish land.

Why? Why must it happen? I had a joyous life before the war. A bright future awaits me. And then a heavy black fog just descend all around me. Blinding me. Taking away my loved ones. Backed me into a corner and left me to die of despair,of hopelessness, of loneliness. Why?

I sat down at the garden bench, looking at the minor trickle of cars moving along the street in front of my house. I pondered, I raged, I mourned, but the past is still the past. I'm already approaching my 100th birthday... if my parents survived the Apocalypse, if they had not sacrificed to saved me, they would probably be dead now. What about my cute baby sister? She will be an old lady by then. A single tear trickled down my left cheek every time I see my sister in my mind. Her rosy cheeks. Her shrill laughter. Her twinkling eyes.

My breathing became laboured, my chest ached and my gut felt tightened. I slided further down onto the bench, clutching my shirt.

"Fate. It's all fate." I thought aloud among all the pain that I was feeling.

I saw my life flashing in front of my eyes. I was learning to take the first step. I was at my kindergarden graduation, wearing a stupid bumblebee costume. I was running at the school's marathon knowing that I will get at least a 7th. I was having dinner with my family...

With a last gasp of breath, I felt my life draining from my body. I felt no more pain. My body was slumped on the bench and I.. I, feeling so free, so weightless, floated away from my old-ridden body. Up and up I go. I narrowed my eyes against the overwhelming light and could make out 3 shapes floating in front of me -3 human shapes. They opened their arms in warm welcome.

With ghostly tears, I cried, "Mum! Dad! Little Anna!"

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Back in... zzz

Let the nonsense begin! =D
Well, I'm back at dreary Kampar again... that's one thing. I'm starting my first year sem 3 - second thing... and I'm still... well, you know... bored.

It's a start of a new sem - a new beginning some might say but though, from what I've seen so far, it's gonna be the toughest semester ever! Biodiversity? well, we're taught by a lecturer who, well, has very high standards... that doesn't mean he's not a good lecturer lol - it's quite the opposite.

The statistics lecturer's okay I guess... if she could stop teaching to fast! :O I'll bet she can beat that new bullet train service introduced in China lol. She's just amazing - with one breath she could explain the whole slide. It's like... 'hmm... oh I see! I understand now! Haha! .... wueh? She's there on the next page already ar? Aiya...'

The Properties of Matter lecturer's fine too. It's rather surprising that I can understand most of what she's teaching about - bah! Physical chemistry? More like Pure physics in disguise >.> - but honestly I don't like that subject -at all-!

English... hmm... well, for starters I think she can teach well enough, but I'm afraid that she might not be as lenient as some of the younger lecturers. we shall see... Oh yeah! Our English tutor is someone worth mentioning about :D She talks oh so softly. A real gentle-lady I say! Yesterday in class, she told us to take turns reading a text. When it was my turn, my voice boomed throughout the whole classroom! The rest of the students were like Oo and I was like =P. Hahaha! Even the teacher seems a bit surprised? hmm hard to interpret her expression but it was FUNNEH! xD

Meh, CNY's just around the corner and I was like.. so... not in mood! It's not like I missed my mum playing the same old CNY kiddie songs in the wee hours of the morning (Note that my 'wee hours of the morning' = 8am - 9am). I just missed being with people with the CNY mood, ya know. Sigh. I haven't even eaten any of the CNY cookies I helped baked yet.

... writer's block... aiks!

What lah, I dunno what I want to type anymore. I remember there were 2 things that I would like to discuss on my blog but I simple can't remember what! Ish, getting older now? Yes, I am. I'm approaching my twenties and my mum said, 'No more Christmas presents for you now. You're too old.' Haizz. (Oh FYI, I'm not a Christian or anything but I like to join in on the fun during Christmas)

Old already la. I had just watched Time Traveller's Wife and, boy, it was amazing! I mean, the story is kind of choppy and confusing at times (I can't separate the older character with the younger version, they both look so the same! But ofc they're the same person after all) but the movie got me thinking...

Meh, I think I'd better start on my 'discussion' for my report. I'm tired but I can't sleep yet as long as I haven't finish my 'discussion'. I need to read for tomorrow's experiments too and ofc finish all these food that I've bought from pasar malam (I always accidentally bought too much food one >.>).

Haiz. I'm going now. Hopefully next time when I type something, it is something worth typing xD

C U!

Friday, December 4, 2009

And again..

After almost a month, I'm back on mah blog, typing away some other nonsense one way or the other. Haha. I'm going back home today and thus, I'm feeling a bit excited.

Last night, my friends and I went on a totally insane trip around kampar new town. We had fruit-flavoured blended ice, then we went to Ghani for Roti Tisu, then we went to westlake to play and walk about. It was fun although it was indeed rather late when we get back home.

And oh ya, btw I'm definitely going to post up my individual presentation's script later. ^^ Maybe after I reached home :P

Alright, I logged in and typed this just to remind this blog of mine that I have not yet abandon it =)

Well, cya for now!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Life after death

or lack thereof lol. Some people may believe that our souls will join the 'god particle' after we die and thus in a way, we cease to exist; some may instead believe in heaven and hell. I, however, believe in a more(?) scientific concept - we simply move on to another dimension of earth.

To me, after we died, our souls, which are eternal (until the end of the world, that is), will be 'moved' to another dimension of earth. You see, I believe that earth exists in a few dimensions (to be general, the universe exists in different dimensions), meaning that there are different versions of earth (that obviously we cannot see). Each dimension of earth varies slightly from each other though there are still differences that set all those dimensions apart. After we died, our soul, released from its earthly 'cage(?)' will be able to travel in this time space whereby our souls could go to the other dimensions. This time space is sort of like the middle ground between dimensions. A King's Cross train station. It has a current though - it moves in one direction and thus our souls will be swept towards that direction.

At that time, we (our souls) had already lost all our earthly burdens as well as memory etc etc.. it's almost like being a new born since our brain is the main thing that helps us in thinking etc etc... our soul is just the essence of ourselves.. nothing more.. but it is VERY important.

Well, back to the time space or whatever you would like to call it, our souls will travel there and be pulled into the next dimension that we encounter as they move along. The souls go into that dimension and will be attracted to those fetuses in (any) mother's body. The fetuses must still be in their early stages of growth though. One of the soul will enter the fetus giving it the essence that makes us all unique.

The fetus will then continue to grow... to develop a brain but for those unlucky fetuses that cannot have a soul in time will probably die off and, thus, miscarriage can occur.

All in all, we cannot die! We are all immortals in a way. Our souls will carry our essence on to the next living body. The soul is eternal.

That's my opinion anyway. Well, guess I'll be better off doing something else so I'll take my leave.

*This entry is a tribute to those unfortunate 3 UTAR students who drowned on 1/11/09. Rest in peace.