Ads

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

My ramblings - Take 4

I know how to say this... well... I've realized today how discontent I was. I hate (um hate is a strong word... well, I dislike then) everything in my life right now. I just want everything to stop... to let me get some time to catch my breath. I don't like my university... I don't like my course that I'm taking... I don't like the dullness of my life... and I hate my internet! Why do things have to happen so fast too? It was not long before I was still in high school... still in my prime...... and now, with a lousy CGPA of 3.6, I just hate myself in a way... I used to thought.. well, I don't have the good looks, I don't have the extrovert personality, I might as well be cleverer instead. But now, I've lost that too... I feel abandoned... lost... like drowning in the river with no hope of survival... it's almost like.. my heart feels cold and empty. No one here really understands me. I am... alone. I will celebrate my birthday alone... I will get through this alone... I will...... be alone here.

Ya, I do have friends here but recent events had made me to think of their motive. I'm not exactly the funniest person out there... or even the most talkative or cute or pretty... I'm just that rugged-looking girl who rarely speak. Whatever they've seen in me besides being a good team leader, I have not seen it in myself. I shouldn't have doubted my friends... but a friend of mine... might had just played with my compassionate side and I don't like that one bit if she really did. The never-knowing-which-is-the-truth feeling is really bad and hard to get rid of.

Even at the house here in Kampar... I can't really feel at home. I feel oppressed. I feel bullied though there are no actual physical bullying occurring here. I just don't like being pushed around.. ignored.. or being seen as a freak of sorts.

I am really disturbed now... it's rather obvious to see. I'm stressed.. ya.... I'm frustrated... ya... I'm currently feeling anti-social with anyone and everyone... ya... But am I depressed? Perhaps.

But I'll tell you a story about something that happened to my friends and I while we're in the lift. There is something wrong with the lift button and somehow as it didn't received any instructions to go down, it turned its lights off itself (to save electricity I think). My friends freaked out real bad by screaming their heads off for like a few seconds while I keep telling them to stop and take out their handphones so I can see better where is the lift's buttons... I was trying to get the lift to open the door.

Truthfully, I also dislike high-pitched girly shrieks... they just annoy the hell out of me. However, at that time, a person pushed the open button for the lift on the other side of the lift looking mildly surprised to hear screaming inside the lift. It was embrassing... to my friends but not to me coz I knew I never screamed or shouted, even, during that incident. I had kept a calm head and thought of a solution quickly. This actually had helped answer one of my year-long pondering - how will I react under emergency situations? The answer that I get had soothed me, knowing that I can trust myself to think clearly when I needed to during dangerous circumstances. That is a relief!

Sigh... I'm complaining about life now but who knows? The working life might just be even more frustrating, challenging .. I don't know... but one thing for sure, I will not bow down to this adverse pressure. I simply will not!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Within Temptation - Memories

In this world you tried,
Not leaving me alone behind.
There's no other way,
I pray to the gods let him stay.
The memories ease the pain inside,
And now I know why.

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imaging you here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears

Made me promise I'd try,
To find my way back in this life.
Hope there is a way,
To give me a sign you're okay.
Reminds me again it's worth it all,
So I can go home.

All of my memories keep you near.
In silent moments,
Imaging you here.
All of my memories keep you near.
In silent whispers, silent tears.

Together in all these memories,
I see your smile.
All of the memories I hold dear.
Darling you know I'll love you,
Til the end of time.

All of my memories keep you near
In silent moments,
Imaging you here.
All of my memories keep you near,
In silent whispers, silent tears.

All of my memories...

'The thing that I like most about this song is the haunted feeling that you get after listening to it. It's just eerily sad and cold. The music video of this is really cool too. You should check it out! Memories is indeed a powerful thing...'

Selena Gomez - New Classic

Ever try to reach for something
But it's someone else's dream?
Every step that you take forward
It takes you right back where you been

And then when you least expect it
And you've tried about everything
Somebody hears your opinions
Somebody cares what you see

You woke me up
No longer tired
With you I feel inspired
You help me find my fire

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Stands for paid, young and
Taking on the world from the driver's seat

You look so classic, fantastic
When you're on that floor
Bring the beat back once more
Let me see you do that

Oh trying to do it right
No rehearsals
It's your life
If you're doing this crazy dance
Cause your making these crazy plans

It's just this is not a test
You put in work to be the best
It's a classic take
On a brand new game
Before the needle drops
They're gonna know your name

When it gets old don't lose the light
You're cold, I'll warm you up
Your fire is hot enough, enough, enough

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Stands for paid, young and
Trying everything just to touch your dreams

You look so classic, fantastic
Oh when you're on that floor
Bring the beat back once more
Let me see you do that

It's become so hard
For me to be surprised
You're bringing back the real me
No judgment in your eyes

Cause when I dance with you
It's how I speak the truth
Just classic when we met
Now you make me new

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Coz your paid, young and
Taking on the world from the driver's seat

You look so classic, fantastic
When you on that floor
Bring the beat back once more
(Bring the beat back once more)

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Coz your paid, young and
Taking on the world from the driver's seat

You look so classic, fantastic
When you're on that floor
Bring the beat back once more
Bring it back, bring it back
Let me see you do that

You're the new classic
You're the new PYT
Stands for paid, young and
Taking on the world from the driver's seat

You're the new classic, fantastic
When you're on that floor
Bring the beat back once more
Let me see you do that

'I really, really like the beat. It's just awesome.. and PYT? Wth lol. Who made that up anyway? The meaning of it sounds very cheesy. I would recommend watching the movie first before listening to this or you'll like get totally blur.' TSY

The Internet and I

...are inseparable. Definitely! I mean well, I'm not exactly the person to go socializing at every chance I get and I like the anonymity that the internet gives. Role-playing ftw! xD

Anyway, I simply can't imagine myself without the internet or computer for like a week. It'll be hell, especially that I'm back in boring kampar. I dunno... I feel like I'm not very interested in any of the uni stuff anymore. It's just plain boring.. sigh... cham liao la. Instead, I would just like to have a dreamless sleep for once.. so I can actually get my beauty sleep. I haven't been sleeping well these days... not because of being online 24/7 ofc lol... but well, meh I dunno myself! :D

Alright back to the topic, Internet is just the jack of all trades - it has just about everything and I very much like the online gaming part. I can see the different ways people talk and also I can know more about people from other countries. Ya, well, there are jerks on the net who think they're like above everybody else but jerks are everywhere so it's not much of an issue lol. I just avoid them if I can :) or perhaps ignore them :P

Hmm... blogging is also nice in a way.. can get somethings off my chest at times. I also like to type a lot... especially stories but meh I guess I'm running out of creativity juices or something - haven't thought of a new story title for months now. When I'm younger, I can like have loads of nice story titles coming at me at a time and I'll spend time sorting and choosing before I actually started writing. However, these stories usually ended up half completed.. like my game books schemes. xD Actually, I do miss my stories... no matter how cheesy they may sound. Maybe I can restart some of my books one day...

Well, the endless information on the net helped me a lot. When I hear research, I hear Internet instead. It is the easiest and, not to mention, fastest way to find something if, ofc, you know how to effectively use the search engine eg Google. Books are still good references but it takes time... I mean A LOT of time. If the book has 1000 pages of hard-dry stuff and you wanted to find a small snippet of it... it'll be like looking for a needle in the hay stack lol. So why bother? (Unless you have the time and the patience to do it) Just google it! That's the Internet! We can get some nice colourful pictures/ helpful diagrams as well :)

The internet... haiz. The pity thing is that the internet over here is not exactly ideal... I just hate the way it's so friggin slow and it's getting worse now... >.<>

Well... there's probably loads of examples of the interaction between the Internet and me but I'll just stop here for now. Ima get started on posting the lyrics. Brb!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Mah holidayzz

Finally... holidays

It's like the ideal of ideals (lol what am I talking about here anyway huh?!?)... having nothing better to do except play, play and play/ gaming, gaming, gaming.... it's still rather a pity that I can't play WoW (Leong formatted his pc so no wow for me :P) Would have raided morning till night lol

Once a friend had said: Being idle in life is one of the greatest moments that anyone could dream for.. except, perhaps, workaholics lol. Anyway, she's right on the spot.. I mean, this is just great you know, I don't have any school/ uni work to drag me down... no burdens - not yet anyway... no tests, exams, quizzes... nothing. No jobs either so this is my ideal life but of course facing the computer day and night is not good for me. I really need to get out sooner or later.. go watch a movie or something xD

And.. oh ya, I had my speaking MUET exam yesterday and guess what... right! I seem to have the unluckiness to get such a topic - Occupation of family members affects the reputation of a family. Discuss. Walao... occupation pulak. Haiz. I did my best I guess. My points may not all be correct or make sense (rofling at this one) but I did speak out as spontaneous as I could. Overall, I -think- I did alright. :) Hope I can get good marks still though.

So.. um, it's kinda late already and I got to go play so fb games before I go to sleep. Meh, I'll try to return to here more often with more stories and stupid stuff that I did (haha) and some more good songs.. I've got the lyrics piled up and ready for posting but I'll do them later :P - Procrastination!!! O.o

Jaja = 'lol' in spanish, I think. K, I'm logging off fer now. Arrr ya mateys wait till I come back ya? Haha. Alright, cya!

Another personality test

These tests are kind of fun :P

Anyway, this one might just be more accurate...

I'll just post it here:

Openness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer novelty versus convention. Approximately 94.5% of respondents have a lower openness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is far more intellectually curious [heheheh] and sensitive to beauty than most [Oh? is it so? hmm..]. You might say that your beliefs are individualistic and frequently drift towards the unconventional, and that you enjoy your imagination and the exciting places it takes you! [Imagination is 'da shizzle'! ... 'da shizzle' is the trademark of TSY, it can be, in no way, reproduced in any form without the consent of the original author stated above ;)]
Reflective question: What place do you think that tradition has in society (if any)?
Reply: There are traditions but I hardly practice any of them :P

Conscientiousness

This trait refers to the extent to which you prefer an organised, or a flexible, approach in life. Approximately 54% of respondents have a lower conscientiousness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is random [RANDOM... I like :P] and fun to be around but that you can plan and persist when life requires it [Humans are, afterall, very persistant..]. From your responses it appears that depending on the situation, you can make quick decisions or deliberate for longer if necessary [ya right.. quick 'wrong' decisions, that is..].
Reflective question: How do you go about organising your workload?
Reply: plan, plan and plan, but then, if something comes up right in the middle, I'll just do the best that I can :)

Extraversion

This trait refers to the extent to which you enjoy company, and seek excitement and stimulation. Approximately 11.5% of respondents have a lower extraversion raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is quiet and somewhat withdrawn. Your answers describe you as someone who doesn't need lots of other people around to have fun [gaming ftw!], and can sometimes find that people are tiring [oh yeah... there's just too many people... too many people......].
Reflective question: How do you like to spend your spare time?
Reply: Gaming or reading xD

Agreeableness

This trait refers to the way you express your opinions and manage relationships. Approximately 27.5% of respondents have a lower agreeableness raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who people can find difficult to get along with when you first meet [true.. true..], as you can be suspicious of their motives [motives... muahahahaha]. Your responses suggest that over time though people warm to you, and you to them, although that doesn't stop you telling them "how it is" [ok... what is 'how it is'??].
Reflective question: When others are experiencing problems, what do you do?
Reply: I try to comfort/help them if I think they could use some comforting/help... if not, I'll probably leave them alone so that they can overcome their problems (referring mainly to emotional problems) themselves and be stronger because of this.

Neuroticism (Emotional stability)

This trait refers to the way you cope with, and respond to, life's demands. Approximately 78.8% of respondents have a lower neuroticism raw percentage than yours. From the way you answered the questions, you seem to describe yourself as someone who is generally calm [emphasise more on the 'generally' :P]. Based on your responses, you come across as someone who can feel emotional or stressed out by some experiences, however your feelings tend to be warranted by the situation.
Reflective question: Which situations make you feel under pressure and which situations do not?
Reply: When I have a high expectation of myself (most of the time, that is...) or someone else has that kind of expectation = lots of pressure. I don't feel pressure when I'm very, very and perhaps overly confident that I can do well in a thing - and I get more confident if I prepare more.




The results for Jungian Typology Estimate is:

INTP

Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Perceiving

INTPs are quiet, thoughtful, analytical individuals who don't mind spending long periods of time on their own [True there... but I can still get bored of alone-ness], working through problems and forming solutions. INTPs tend to be less at ease in social situations [Right on!] and the 'caring professions,' although they enjoy the company of those who share their interests [Hmm, rather correct there..]. They also tend to be impatient with the bureaucracy, rigid hierarchies, and politics prevalent [haha, right on again!] in many professions, preferring to work informally with others as equals. INTPs' extraverted intuition often gives them a quick wit, especially with language, and they can defuse the tension in gatherings by comical observations and references [LOL, always I do this kind of thing ya know... like commenting on something that cracked up my friends]. They can be charming [me? charming? hahahahahahahahaha], even in their quiet reserve way, and are sometimes surprised by the high esteem in which their friends and colleagues hold them [huh? high esteem? Do other people really think highly of me? WOW, niceee ;)].

And surprise, surprise... the test told me to take English as my major.. haha... I knew it! But anyway, journalism is a far cry from normal English :)

P/S: I'll post about my holidays in the next post

Legend: [] = my thoughts