Possibilities

Have you ever wondered what if you did that instead of this or other variations of the same 'what if'-kind of questions?

This is the kind of question that will keep bugging you for ages - what if I had helped her? What if I spent more time studying instead? What if I've went to her CNY party? What if... what if....

If you keep thinking about these kind of stuff, won't it make you hesitate every time you have to make a decision - no matter small or big? This can be an advantage if you use the time you hesitate to think thoroughly about all other options as well as the consequences, from all angles and perspectives (if possible :P), of doing that decision. However, if you take too long a time to make up your mind - you may be at a severe disadvantage especially at making split-second decisions or the indecision may perhaps paralyze, or so to speak, you from making any decisions at all.

Thinking back to the time when I graduated from high school with flying colours, I was forced to make a decision - either to continue my studies at Form 6, find other colleges and universities to study at or take up that government TESL (pardon any spelling mistakes :P) scholarship to become a teacher. I have always wondered how would I fair if I had continued Form 6 instead or will I be able to handle TESL.

It's the road not traveled that may cause us to look back at that time and wonder, but if we keep dwelling in the past, we will never be able to move on. You've got to tell yourself - you've made a major decision that day... that time... and you will not be able to get back to that particular crossroad ever again. Life is not a PC game where you can always load your saved games. Life and time do not wait for anybody. Whether or not your decision is a good one, you will find out sooner or later and it is useless to keep thinking about it, but bear in mind that from every decision that you make, there're, for certain, good and bad sides to it. As long as you can make the best out of the decision that you have made, you will be satisfied that you have not make the wrong choice.

Though, there are also fatal decisions - the kind of decisions that will somehow lead to your ultimate death or some other horrific repercussions. These kind of decisions must never appear as an option when you are thinking of what to do next. One of the main examples is suicide.

I really don't understand why do some people value so little of their lives. Your birth to this world itself is a miracle. Heck, every molecule of your body is special in its own way. An advice to those who are considering suicide - stop weeping or whatever stuff that you're doing, calm your mind down and think about the possibilities...the stuff that you can do if you are alive. If you've lost a person in your life, there are still others out there for you.. people who cares about you. To put it simply - think about this: What if I have not killed myself? What stuff will I be doing? What stuff that I want to do but have yet to do? You might want to travel around the world; explore the Amazon jungle; see the moon up close; buy your parents their well-deserved retirement double-story house; get yourself that BMW that you have your eye on for years etc etc. Then, you'll realised that if you end your life now, you'll never be able to do anything that you have always wanted to do. Your life will be a total waste!

Life is full of possibilities that's for certain. To be able to experience these possibilities is one of the joys/sorrows of living. Bad stuff can be turned in a good one if you try harder and look for a solution from different perspectives. Life problems are like maths - there are many ways to solve it and I'm certain, if you try, you can find at least one of them.

Sure, you can spent some time thinking about those roads not taken but don't dwell on it too long - you don't want to get caught in the past, do you?

In short, killing yourself will not only severe life's possibilities (it's delights and sufferings), it will, too, inflict unnecessary pain to those people close to you (Don't say you don't have anyone close to you... that's just bullshit. You have people who cares though you may not have noticed them). Never ever put suicide as an option/ a choice when you're deciding anything. Don't always think about the crossroads in life that you think you had made a wrong turn at - make do with what you have.. and improve it while bearing in mind the mistakes that you have made so you won't repeat them again. Problems can always be solved as long as you are open-minded enough to think from various angles and perspectives to find a suitable solution. Take your time in making any major decision in life - remember that once you go down that road, you, more often than not, cannot go back. For split-second decisions, you have to depend on your instincts and quick thinking - the kind of things that you can train but I have no idea how to train them (Google's your best friend :P).

Just Thought You Ought To Know

Just thought you ought to know

You are our best teacher

Dedicated to what you do

You’ve enlightened our ignorant selves

Showered us with your vast knowledge

Surprised us with your treasured experience

You’ve gave us all you’ve got

And, of course, there’s still the extras

The ‘little’ help you gave to push up our grades

The significant smile you gave when you said: ‘Cabut lari’

The laughable moments you gave when you joke around

The funny times you gave when you -opps- ‘mis-drew’ a diagram

The exciting experiments you gave, will always make us cheer

- but no reports, please -

These moments of joy, excitement, fun and laughter

Will reside in our memories forever and ever

Just thought you ought to know

You are our best teacher

We will never forget you, my friend-teacher

Till our lives extinguished

Till the world ends

You will always remain in our hearts

Just thought you ought to know

For all the gratitude we have

Can be expressed in just three letters

Thank you, teacher

And have a Happy Teachers’ Day!!!

"A teacher's day poem that I have written for Pn Khoo D.D. :)" - S.Y.

The Complete and Utter Idiot’s Guide to Making Banana Fritters

Hello! Welcome to The Complete and Utter Idiot’s Guide to Making Banana Fritters. Are you ready? Good! Let’s start, shall we?

We’re going to begin our journey by assuming that you already have each of the ingredients and cooking items you’ll be needing to make these banana fritters. I know, it may be a bit of a stretch but we really don’t have time to take you shopping without, of course, The Complete and Utter Idiot’s Guide to Shopping.

So, first of all, we’ll need a bowl for you to mix the flour in. My suggestion would be a bowl as wide, in diameter, as your head. So reach into your cupboard and grab a bowl. Any will do. No, that’s a plate. A bowl should be round but not flat…yes, the plate is round but it is not shaped like a dome is it? Right, that’s a bowl. Now, be careful with it so you won’t break it. OK, put it down.

On the counter, not the floor, you…

Right. Much better. At least you know what a ‘counter’ is. Alright, you are ready to start, finally. You need flour.

Personally, I prefer either whole wheat flour, all-purpose wheat flour or instant wheat flour as amaranth, rye, teff, atta and peasemeal flour would taste horrible with… why you are staring at me like that? What do you mean you are running low on wheat flour? How can you possibly make banana fritters without flour? Arggh! What kind of flour do you have? Besides wheat, I mean.

Corn? Fine, that’ll do.

OK. Mix both of the flour in the bowl. Don’t dump the whole unopened packet into the bowl! You have to cut open the packet first!

Put the packet back to the counter. Get a pair of scissors. It’s something like a… Right! That’s scissors. I must have underestimated you after all.

Alright. Now, cut open the packet. What do you mean using what? Of course, you use the scissors! And, oh, I think I’ll take back that compliment.

Good! Now pour the flour into the bowl. Perfect! Pour a cup of water, drinking water, mind you, into the bowl. Use that Mickey Mouse cup, it will be fine. Nice…you can mix the flour now.

NO! No, no, no! People don’t use their HANDS to mix it! Oh, god! Go and clean you hands. And don’t tell me how to wash your hands! See? You have ruined everything! I bet your dough is full of dust and germs now.

Ugh! Never mind! It’s not like you’ll be living for a long time at this rate anyway! Right! Now, grab a wooden spoon or just… any spoon from the drawers. Hey! What the Hell are you doing with that scissors? Put it down before you hurt somebody… and, yes, that’s not a spoon, dunderhead. There! On your left! No, that’s not ‘left’! That’s ‘right’! I mean, look the other side!

That’s a fork. Oh, never mind! Just put it into the muck in the bowl and stir!

It doesn’t matter if it is clockwise or anticlockwise! You are not brewing a potion! Just stir until it looks smooth enough!

OK. Now, do you have a bunch of bananas? You have only three? Sigh. Fine. We’ll just have to use what we have then!

Get a knife. Not those blunt ones, a knife has a sharp blade. Yes, that’s a knife… what are you… no, no, NO! Don’t test it to see! Just put it down at the counter! And don’t drop it! I wouldn’t dare to see what’ll happen if you do.

There you go! Now, peel the bananas. Not too hard, mind you, or you’ll break the banana.

Harder than that. You have to a least touch the skin of the banana to peel it.

Nice! Now do the other bananas. Perfect! You are a natural monkey, no?

It is a relative of your ancestor, the ape… never mind!

Now, use the knife… BY GRABBING THE WOODEN END, dimwit! Oh, god! Alright, calm down… Now, slice the bananas into halves. You’re scratching your head. OK, let’s make it simpler, shall we? Cut the banana into two pieces. Two. More than one? Less than three? You understand? Good! Now, cut it! What are you waiting for?

Just jam it in the banana and don’t worry about hurting it! For god’s sake! Just slice the damn thing into half!

Very good! You can cut the rest of the bananas into halves. Perfect. You’re getting good with the knife. God help us all.

OK. You are ready to fry it. Quit giggling and don’t play with the knife! Just put it down on the counter and don’t give me that mournful face of yours. Right, let’s proceed to the frying. Turn the knob to light the stove and put a frying pan on it. What do you mean it won’t turn? Twist the knob the other direction. There you go.

Now, place the frying pan -it is the thingy with the plastic handle beside your stove- on the stove. Don’t be afraid of the fire, just put the pan on… alright, be afraid of the fire and use the frying pan to block out the fire. Right! While waiting for the pan to heat up, you can prepare a plate to put the fritters on. Remember? It is the round, flat thing in your cupboard.

Very good! You’ll need some kitchen tissue to absorb the excess oil when you have fried the bananas. Hey! Where are you going? What do you mean you want to get the tissue? The tissue is in here! In the kitchen! Hey!

Well, you are pretty quick. Where’s that tissue of yours? That’s toilet tissue! I did say you need KITCHEN TISSUE, did I? Well, you cannot use toilet tissue.

Because I said so!!! Anyway, it is unhygienic.

Right! Let’s just forget it, okay? We’ll just use the plate. Put the toilet roll away. Put it away! Don’t look at me like that, put the toilet tissue away!

Alright! You’re almost there! Now, you can test whether the pan is hot enough or not…I think it is most probably nicely heated up now and…STOP! Don’t touch the pan to test the heat! God! Just put your hand above the pan. If you cannot put it there for more than 30 seconds without suffering from intense pain, then it is hot.

It is hot? Good! Let’s proceed. I said stop giggling.

Dip the banana into the dough. Make sure it fully is covered by the dough. Okay, now place the banana, slowly… and don’t throw it, into the pan. I’m sorry, are you getting dizzy? It can happen, get use to it. Repeat the steps again for the rest of the bananas. One by one. Don’t just throw them all into the pan.

The dough is changing colour? OK, don’t panic. It just means that it is cooked. Now, put the cooked ones onto the plate.

After you have finished frying the bananas, turn the stove off. The other direction. Do I have to tell you every time you need to turn on or off the stove?

OK. Let the banana fritters cool down before eating it. See, you didn’t pay attention to my instructions and now you have burnt your tongue. Hey, I did warn you, didn’t I?

Congratulations. You’ve made banana fritters! Bonehead.

"One of my fav essays. A fun essay to write and to read." - S.Y.

S.H.E - 两个人的荒岛(Feat.周定纬)

S.H.E - 两个人的荒岛(Feat.周定纬)

太慌张的拥抱 我们只有一秒
tai huang zhang de yong bao wo men zhi you yi miao

世界崩溃成一座孤岛
shi jie beng kui cheng yi zuo gu dao
这里没有人也没有时间不用思考
zhe li mei you ren ye mei you shi jian bu yong si kao
再没有後路可找 huo许就能天荒地老
zai mei you hou lu ke zhao huo xu jiu neng tian huang de lao
明天的诺言 交给明天去实现
ming tian de nuo yan jiao gei ming tian qu shi xian
这爱的誓言 哪怕痛苦多过甜
zhe ai de shi yan na pa tong ku duo guo tian
下雨了 两个人的荒岛(我和你的荒岛)
xia yu le liang ge ren de huang dao (wo he ni de huang dao)

淋湿了 就知道谁会比谁更胆小
lin shi le jiu zhi dao shui hui bi shui geng dan xiao

我梦见了 两个人的荒岛
wo meng jian le liang ge ren de huang dao

你要不要 (给谁找) Baby 跟我逃
ni yao bu yao (gei shui zhao) Baby gen wo tao
然後永…远从地图上擦掉
ran hou yong… yuan cong de tu shang ca diao

太慌张的拥抱 我们只剩一秒

tai huang zhang de yong bao wo men zhi sheng yi miao

世界崩溃成一座孤岛
shi jie beng kui cheng yi zuo gu dao
这里没有人也没有时间不用思考
zhe li mei you ren ye mei you shi jian bu yong si kao
再没有後路可找 也许就能天荒地老
zai mei you hou lu ke zhao ye xu jiu neng tian huang de lao
明天的诺言 交给明天去实现
ming tian de nuo yan jiao gei ming tian qu shi xian
这爱的誓言 哪怕痛苦多过甜
zhe ai de shi yan na pa tong ku duo guo tian
下雨了 两个人的荒岛(我和你的荒岛)
xia yu le liang ge ren de huang dao (wo he ni de huang dao)

淋湿了 就知道谁会比谁更胆小
lin shi le jiu zhi dao shui hui bi shui geng dan xiao

我梦见了 两个人的荒岛
wo meng jian le liang ge ren de huang dao

你要不要 (给谁找) Baby 跟我逃
ni yao bu yao (gei shui zhao) Baby gen wo tao
然後hou永…远从地图上擦掉
ran hou yong… yuan cong de tu shang ca diao

下雨了 两个人的荒岛(我和你的荒岛)
xia yu le liang ge ren de huang dao (wo he ni de huang dao)

淋湿了 就知道谁会比谁更胆小
lin shi le jiu zhi dao shui hui bi shui geng dan xiao
我梦见了 两个人的荒岛
wo meng jian le liang ge ren de huang dao

你要不要 (给谁找) Baby 跟我逃
ni yao bu yao (gei shui zhao) Baby gen wo tao
然後永…远从地图上擦掉
ran hou yong… yuan cong de tu shang ca diao

一起看 天亮了

yi qi kan tian liang le
除了爱以外 我什麽都不要
chu le ai yi wai wo shen mo dou bu yao

"Wow! It's rather a surprise that I started to listen to Chinese (or Mandarin - for those people who are very particular about the word used) songs. It must be that good." - S.Y.

One Republic - Secrets

I need another story

Something to get off my chest

My life gets kind of boring

Need something that i can confess

Till all my sleeves are stained red

From all the truth that I've said

Come by it honestly I swear

Thought you saw me wink, no, I've been on the brink, so

[CHORUS]

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

I'm sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

My God, amazing how we got this far

It's like we're chasing all those stars

Who's driving shiny big black cars

And everyday I see the news

All the problems that we could solve

And when a situation rises

Just write it into an album

?Singing straight to cold?

I don't really like my flow, no, so

[CHORUS]

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

I'm sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

Oooohhh

Got no reason

Got no shame

Got no family

I can blame

Just don't let me disappear

I'ma tell you everything

[CHORUS x2]

So tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

I'm sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

Tell me what you want to hear

Something that were like those years

I'm sick of all the insincere

So I'm gonna give all my secrets away

This time

Don't need another perfect lie

Don't care if critics ever jump in line

I'm Gonna give all my secrets away

All my secrets away

All my secrets away

"I love The Sorcerer's Apprentice, so no wonder I like the theme song of the movie too ^^" - S.Y

Justin Bieber - Pray

Ohh Ohh Ohh .. and I pray

I just cant sleep tonight.

Knowing that things aint right.

Its in the papers, its on the tv, its everywhere

that I go.

Children are crying.

Soldiers are dying

Some people don't have a home

But I know there's sunshine behind that rain

I know there's good times behind that pain, hey

Can you tell me how I can make a change

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I lose my appetite,

knowing kids starve tonight.

And when I sit up,

cause my dinner is still on my plate.

Ooo I got a vision, to make a difference.

And its starting today.

Cause I know there's sunshine behind that rain

I know there's good times behind that pain, hey

Haven`t tell me how I can make a change

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes

and- pray...

For the broken-hearted.

I pray for the life not started

I pray for all the ones not breathing.

I pray for all the souls in need.

I pray....

Can you give em one today.

I just cant sleep tonight

Can someone tell me how to make a change?

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and pray

I close my eyes and I can see a better day

I close my eyes and- I pray

I pray ..

I pray ......

I close my eyes and- pray......

"It's nice to see the sensitive side of JB. :)" S.Y

Writing

This is my passion.. my hobby.. it used to be anyway.

I love writing stories - fantasies mainly and had wanted (actually I still hope I could be) an author.

But then another more .. addictive hobby came along - computer games (and then, later, online games). I've abandoned most of my writing projects... all I have left.. are those I've written during my high school years (I've only started writing, officially, when I am in form 1).

I want to restart this hobby of mine.. but now I doubt I could write anything worthwhile any longer. I do not have the confidence.. perhaps I should continue from the stories that I've abandoned? Would it help?

Just some musings of mine. Guess I'll find out soon enough after my finals - have to focus (*Sarcastic* now, that's what I call a joke) on these first.

Okay, back to dragonage (LOL!) and perhaps one more chapter tonight. :P

A failure, I am.. and I like to brood about it

What else could I say? I have just flunked, and I do really mean flunked, my CTCT exams. Awesome isn't it?

I did finished studying it but, truthfully, I haven't fully memorised it, especially with a heavy and clouded head/brain, I doubt I could have done anything.

Actually, I do feel deep down inside that I am going to flunk this exam. I kind of already gave up on it. oh, and not to mention the perfect timing of my toothache/headache problem and now, my feverish and coughing problem. Sigh...

What kind of shit hole did I land myself in? Last time, I was feverish, but when studying, I'm not very unwell though,in MB exam and guess what? I aced it. Probably because I paid more attention in class lol... now I'm worried... I haven't been able to pay attention in class since week 7. That's 2 weeks' worth of lectures, my friends, and oh, not to mention, the classes that I've skipped.

I fail... that's that. And now, instead of going out with my friends to celebrate the end of a disasterous exam, I'm brooding... alone... at home... not my true home though...

Well, the net's down again and actually I haven't surfed the net (except that one time for like 5 minutes) for about 3 days now. I have no idea the 'status' of the internet but it'd better be better soon coz I really need it to do my two friggin reports whereby one of them requires 8 friggin graphs.

Okay, thank you and good day. I'm off to get some not well-earned rest and lunch.

You reap what you sow... is that true?

My friend once told me that she did studied hard enough and she went into the exam hall as confident as possible. However, once she looked at the questions... they just look gibberish to her. She need to know what the question is asking or how on earth is she going to give the answers?

My case... well... I've studied hard and well. I memorized all the formulas needed and know well enough how to use them. I understood the concepts, the theories...... I thought I did well in the test too. I really did. Maybe a few silly mistakes here and there... a couple of marks deducted.. well, it's no big deal, but wait! When the results came out, it's totally not what I had expected. It's way... way, WAY, a lot less than what I had expected. It shattered my heart, my mind, my will to keep going; to keep fighting on... What's the use? Since I'm fated -yes, fated- to get such low and disgraceful marks anyway. What IS the point?

There's no point at all. I study to get that friggin degree... that's it. I've lost my interest in these subjects anyway. Sure, I get interested sometimes when the lecturer said something that I can relate to but most of the time... well, no. Those classes are just plain boring, with a capital B.

I'm at lost as to what to do. It's useless to fight to get what you want anymore. I've been proven right over and over again. It's like life doesn't want me to forget it and keep smashing my face into the pie that's called reality/facts. I've got to face the facts - I thought I did well, I thought I've studied well, but the results sucks #$%@ - Did I really did all the above well enough? I'm very convinced that I did though I might not be.

I just don't understand my situation here. Was my studying methods wrong? Was my understanding of the question wrong? Was I guided to the wrong direction by the lecturer? Was I blinded by the scary truth that I might be a dumb person after all? I need to know the truth, the answer... is there anyone to help me find it?

I SO hate myself right now (I'm not sorry for the high self-criticism - it's just me). What's wrong with me? If the problems are from me anyway. What the hell is wrong with me?

20 marks away from what I've aimed for is something not to look at lightly. It's a friggin 20 marks. Damn! And, FYI, I'm not stupid enough to aimed for full marks, mind you. I'm just aiming for 10 marks below the full marks. It's that just too much to ask?

Sigh. One of these days I'm really going to go crazy or something. Some other pressure I can handle but just not this... the fact that fate doesn't want me to succeed in life (right now). I'm just sad... disappointed... and depressed. Even those people who studied at the very last minute seem to get more marks than me. wtf. I've used 2 whole days to analyse, and understand, and memorize the facts that are given to us. I did focus myself as best as I could and I did remember all that needs to be remembered by the end of the 2-day study period.

Something must be wrong. I'm going to ask the lecturer for my test paper back and recheck the marks as well as her marking. That's the plan and I'll stick to it though the lecturer might be very reluctant to let me see the paper.

Well, guess this is it. A final showdown with fate during the finals and I'll see what I can get. If it's not as expected, then I guess I'll just shift to Arts or something. It's just useless to continue torturing myself by opposing the so-called fate.

Adios.

Almost there...

Hi again! I guess I always find myself here or hopping around the net (namely FB) when there's an exam tomorrow or something :P The worst part is even though I have plenty of time (4 days that is) to study, I seem to like to start studying late and now, I'm kind of like rushing to finish it. And yet... I'm here :|

A few more days till study leave and a few more till finals. Then, it's year 2 for me. Yikes! Time flies doesn't it? I'm approaching my 20th (thanks for always reminding me, mom :S) and that's not a good feeling at all. I just don't want to move on. Let me be a kid... stay as a kid and I'll be grateful, but then my parents won't be happy at all I guess.

Seriously, I've got to polish up my act here. I'm lazying/gaming away, ignoring what's more important in my life. Looking back, I can see my condition worsening over the years, it had not yet improved and I'm starting to worry... a lot. I know I probably can't get the best in all the subjects.. my interest in those subjects are not as deep as I thought I had or as I had hoped to have. Lack of interest in everything is my main concern I guess.

I don't feel like studying at all and yet I have to. Why do people have to do things that they don't want to? Well, simply because you are human. You know the word 'responsibility', or in simpler terms, 'your job'. Now my job is to study hard and not to fail my parents' and my expectations. If I can just change that 'job' into an 'interest'. Sigh.

I can't understand how I can handle all of this during high school. It was almost a breeze in high school though I still face stress all the time. I actually liked exams during high school and look at it as a challenge LOL. Maybe I should just forget about living in the past and force myself to move on. You're not the Saw Yi during high school; you are a new version of her (a better or worse version, you decide).

Well, enough of blabbing away - I've got a job to do. Haiz.. I just hope I can get pass the tests tomorrow with satisfying marks (I'm not even aiming for the highest mark, just an above average will do...)

Nick Carter - The Great Divide

im waking up you're going to sleep

and i wonder are you thinking of me

im getting ready for another day without you

and your.. just starting to dream

its hard to let it go

to make it through the day

its hard to hold on

when we're both so far away

maybe we should just move on

and get on with our lives

but how can we survive

when our hearts are so connected

that will die when you take them apart

(and) when one half of me is missing

if i can't hold you here in my arms

can we overcome the distance

make it through time

can our love raise the water

overcome the great, the great divide....

im soaking up the sun you're underneath the moon

and i wish that i could share it with you

you live your life and im living mine

somehow we've got to find a way to get through

its hard to let it go

to make it through the day

its hard to hold on

when we're both so far away

maybe we should just move on

and get on with our lives

but how can we survive

(how can we survive)

when our hearts are so connected

that will die when you take them apart

and when one half of me is missing

if i can't hold you here in my arms

can we overcome the distance

make it through time

can our love raise the water

overcome the great, the great divide......

the great divide

i keep waiting for the day

where we find a place to stay

and when we'll always wake -up- together (always will be)

and *i* keep waiting for the time

every single night, belongs to me and you

we will never have to move... again

we can spread our roots... and grow woah

cos our hearts are so connected

that will die when you take them apart

and when one half of me is missing

if i can't hold you here in my arms

Can we overcome the distance

make it through time

can our love raise the water

overcome the great, the great.... divide

Woahhh

the great divide ohh yeah

"And another :)" - S.Y

Nick Carter - I Got You

People tell me, you stay where you belong

But all my life I've tried

To prove them wrong

They say I'm looking for

Something that can't be found

They say I'm missing out

If my feet don't touch the ground

But there are moments

When you can't deny what's true

Just an ordinary day

Like when I met you

It's funny how life can take new meaning

You came and changed what I believe in

The world on the outside is trying to pull me in

But they can't touch me

'Cause I........ got you

I got you

Oh yeah

I want to thank you

For all of the things you've done

And most for choosing me

To be the one

It's funny how life can take new meaning

You came and changed what I believe in

The world on the outside is trying to pull me in

But they can't touch me

'Cause I........ got you

And it hits me when I reach for you

That I'm afraid you won't be there

Maybe I am in too deep

But I *don't care........*

(Where would I belong)

*I got you....*

Yeah

I want to prove them wrong

I've got you yeah

You can't deny what's true.. no

They can't touch me, yeah yeah

I got you

I got *you*

oh yeahh

I got you baby

You can't deny what's true

No, they can't touch me

'Cause I......... got you

"Need I say more? Haha" - S.Y

Nick Carter - Help Me

I wish I could define

All the thoughts that crossed my mind

They seem too big for me to choose

I don't know which ones to lose

When I'm falling down so far

I think I'll never see your light

Bouncing off of me

Shining down here from your eyes

Help me

Figure out the difference

Between right and wrong

Weak and strong

Day and night

Where I belong and

Help me

Make the right decisions

Know which way to turn

Lessons to learn

And just what my pur-pose is here

It's like I got the signals crossed

With messages I can't decode

Half asleep, never wide awake

And I'm in, complete overload

I got- so much information here

And nothing I can really grasp

I should know the truth

But I'm too afraid so I have to ask

Help me

Figure out the difference

Between right and wrong

Weak and strong

Day and night

Where I belong and

Help me (Help me)

Make the right decisions

Know which way to turn

Lessons to learn

And just what my pur-pose is here

Wanna know you

More than anything

I need you

In my every dream, you're there for me

Do you love me?

For who I am, no angel

Just an ordinary man

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle

Trying to understand why I can't

Why you're such a riddle

Got my eyes crossed

I'm thinking so hard and I know I'm missing the mark

Can you help me sort out

All this information

I'm just rackin' my brain, baby

Paying attention

But I'm still lost

And at all costs

I

I gotta know (gotta know, oh)

Help me

Figure out the difference

Between right and wrong

Weak and strong

Day and night

Where I belong and

Help me (Help me)

Make the right decisions

Know which way to turn

Lessons to learn

And just what my purpose is here

Help me figure out why I'm stuck in the middle

Trying to understand why I can't

Why you're such a riddle

Got my eyes crossed

I'm thinking so hard and I know -I'm missing the mark

Can you help me sort out

All this information

I'm just rackin' my brain, baby

Paying attention

But I'm still lost

And at all costs

I gotta know

"I LOVE BSB! Haha! Even though this is not actually a BSB song but it's close - one of its members (Nick) came out with this. *wub*" - S.Y

Who cares?

Hi there! It has been awhile since my last post. :P I've been rather busy raiding and PvPing and such so... well... here goes!

I've read an article, um, more like a Big Brother column, in the Star and was rather shocked with the similarity of the problems faced by the person called Numb and I.

"Usually I listen (to the heart pouring) and give my advice but I often find that, when a person is so troubled, everything falls on deaf ears. Why do people look for friends when they have problems? When they are happy, they don't share as much."

Well, in my case, it's more like 'Why I don't pour my heart out to my friends when I'm very troubled?'. I just kept them inside or perhaps tell my mum about it but it's usually the former. I just keep bottling them up until the day I explode I guess. >.<

"I also wonder how some people can talk (probably 'bad' stuffs) about others and then act like he or she never said anything behind their backs. Yet they seem to have a lot of friends. I hardly do that but don't have as many friends."

This is so true! Maybe it's because those 'friends' are afraid of being talked bad about and thus become friends with the person that will probably talk bad about them? I don't know... it's just that my rather anti-social nature do prevent me from making friends... it's my overprotection of my privacy plus I like to live in my own world (day-dreaming). The current situation here is - I am known by other people but we are not friends (just classmates) and I don't know my classmates (I can recognise their faces but I can't remember the names. I'm having difficulty to remember my high school friends' names as well. >.<)

"I used to care what others say about me and was a really sensitive person but I am not anymore. I've learned to be numb and I'm tired of trying to fit into their circle."

This is semi-true for me. I still think I'm a bit sensitive although I've tried to become numb to the world. It's like - if someone said that you're a douche, I'll still feel hurt by the comment but will later dismiss it as jealousy or something else. And I'm tired of pretending to be someone that I am not! I'm not exactly clever by birth or anything (although during high school, I might think that way); I'm not exactly the luckiest person around either. My results came purely from my efforts and my understanding. However, my results are dropping rather badly recently - I messed up pretty bad during my bio mid-sem. I thought I did well in my statistics mid-sem but it turns out that I didn't (is 9/12 good? the highest is 11. I was hoping to get 10 at least). Is my expectations too high? I feel so disappointed with myself. I hope to get more friends that won't shun me although I expressed nil interest when they're talking about dramas or cosmetics or fashion (like the current group of friends that I'm hanging out with =) ).

"I've learnt to stay away from big groups of friends as I do not like feeling left out. Each time that happens, I start to wonder if there is anything wrong with me. Is there?"

During high school, I have two main groups of friends and two best pals (That's you Amelia and Lydia!) :) But now, I'm sticking with my current group of friends without trying to make new friends. It's like I'm afraid of reaching out to people for the fear of being hurt. Was I hurt before? I don't even know myself. It's very hard to mix into other people's band of friends if you are not from the same 'tune'/ 'channel'. I had always thought that my friends kept me in their group because I deliver good results during assignments... I thought I was being used... I might be wrong.

'Big brother's reply'

"You see too much of the truth that you have become disillusioned and jaded. You tried to help but they just seem to forget the moment they walk away"

Maybe I'm just longing for more recognition, more appreciation of what I've managed to do.

"Knowing those around you, you fear they will know your weakness, fears and doubts. so you shut off, you find that you do not fit but it hurts all the same."

True there. I don't want my own friends to, someday, use my weaknesses to manipulate or exploit me. It's that fear that had distanced me with my friends. Plus, I've always thought that I might be better off in a fantasy world of my own, having an adventure, rather than being here. I should be a writer, shouldn't I? =|

"Don't be afraid to reach out to those whom you feel are worth your friendship."

Now, you've said it.

"Give without expectations, share without asking. True friends are those who will understand and give back without being asked."

Give without expectation... now that's tough. I always have a faint idea of what I hope I'd get in return. Am I being too well.. I dunno what to call that as.. hmm. And those friends of mine (including my high school friends mind), didn't always give back or maybe they gave back the wrong thing (the thing that I don't want/need)

Oh well, guess this is it. I'm logging off to do my report for awhile. Cya!

A story.. about the sky.

"Skydwellers.

The sound of that word will never feel good on my lips. If we're meant to fly, then the god/s would have given us wings!

We aren't always like this, you know. There was once a time when humans walk the earth, feeling the good old soil under their very feet or under the soles of their shoes. But it was all.. all taken away by...... the Nuclear Apocalypse."

Tentative children sat in front of me staring, hanging onto my every word. A particularly small boy caught my eye. Being smaller in size, he was always bullied around by others as I had observed when I was doing my daily walk around the Ship. I ruffled his messy brownish hair for a moment, with his beautiful blue eyes following my hand movement, and turned back to the mesmerized audience.

"That devastating war had taken from us.. no, it had ripped us of our birthright! Countries - yes, there had been countries - fought so.. so hard against each other. All because of the black gold.. all because of greed."

I eyed the children as I said this. Many of them stared back at me innocently. Soon, they'll grow up.. and soon, they'll learn that life's not as ideal as they seem. At that very moment, I pity them and yet envy them for their innocence.

Clearing my throat, I continued, "Billions had died on that day... the population of the world plummeted to a mere few million. And yet, the survivors' numbers are dwindling by the day. The radiation is just too much, even the nuclear bunkers is not enough to protect them! Humanity was brought to its knees! And its all because of greed hiding under the false pretense of trying to maintain peace. Bah!"

"Yet, from that million people, only a few thousand managed to board this Ship. the Ship that had saved us.. and had brought is time to recuperate. To help salvage whatever we can, and to help the Earth heal back to her natural beauty once more."

"But!" I barked, suddenly leaning forward. The children recoiled in surprise. "But, that will take millions of years... the years to clear the land of radiation, to clear the land of the unimaginable horrors - the mutants - that lurk the earth. I'm dare say, even you all will not live to see that day... the day we can finally rid ourselves of this flying metal container, to be able to walk the earth once more."

I nodded at the children's solemn faces as they started to leave for their homes.

They deserve to know the truth, I thought. They deserve to know what their ancestors had done and what it had cost them and us, the future generation. They should know...

I stood up from my chair and walked towards the window. The beautiful yet artificial looking view caught my attention as it always do. Luck.. it's luck that had saved us, I thought. It was very lucky that the Ship's Project was completed before the war started; it was lucky that a few of the survivors had worked under this project; it's lucky that one of them actually had the code to activate it...

Bending my stiff knees, I walked to the small garden outside. How many had died when we tried to make a break for this Ship? How many? The limited radiation suits had drastically reduced the number of survivors. Not to mention the sudden discovery of the mutants - disfigured and misshapen-ed creatures - as human-eaters. Even the plants had started to pick off people, one-by-one, from our rag-tag band of scientists and lab workers. The plants gobbled poor Dr Pang whole! The thought of it popped goosebumps all over my body. If the current Earth is not hell, I'm not sure what is.

Something bright blinded me for a moment. Shielding my tired eyes, I saw the sunlight glittering off the solar panels on the sides of our transparent dome - our cell.

It was a major feat to be able to construct such a marvelous Ship. It had everything a person could want - shops, malls, restaurants and row and rows of residential houses. There are even hydroponic green houses to grow food in (we are mostly vegetarians now, although meat is still available - there is a few animal farms here - but it is very hard and expensive to come by), a enormous air purifying machine and a huge water recycling 'factory' at the end of the Ship. There are even cars - electric ones mind you, so as not to pollute the air. Everything and anything, it seems, had been well taken care off. It was also well stocked for a take off when we took over it.

There's even a major science facility with chemical supplies that will last for a very long time, provided of course we exercise moderation. It was this facility that had helped us to create the new generation if test tube babies - since most of the females are rendered infertile as a result of the radiation.

Also, since most of the survivors, who have had ready access to radiation suits, are scientists themselves, it is easy to start a breeding program. The engineers took care of the Ship and its course while the botanists took care of the greenhouse plants. It was all done systematically and without much argument as they know.. we know.. all we will ever have is us. We have tried to save as many people as possible. We've flied to the most remote areas around the world to seek for survivors. We did our very best but still we could not have imagined how many that we had missed and was left to perish in that devilish land.

Why? Why must it happen? I had a joyous life before the war. A bright future awaits me. And then a heavy black fog just descend all around me. Blinding me. Taking away my loved ones. Backed me into a corner and left me to die of despair,of hopelessness, of loneliness. Why?

I sat down at the garden bench, looking at the minor trickle of cars moving along the street in front of my house. I pondered, I raged, I mourned, but the past is still the past. I'm already approaching my 100th birthday... if my parents survived the Apocalypse, if they had not sacrificed to saved me, they would probably be dead now. What about my cute baby sister? She will be an old lady by then. A single tear trickled down my left cheek every time I see my sister in my mind. Her rosy cheeks. Her shrill laughter. Her twinkling eyes.

My breathing became laboured, my chest ached and my gut felt tightened. I slided further down onto the bench, clutching my shirt.

"Fate. It's all fate." I thought aloud among all the pain that I was feeling.

I saw my life flashing in front of my eyes. I was learning to take the first step. I was at my kindergarden graduation, wearing a stupid bumblebee costume. I was running at the school's marathon knowing that I will get at least a 7th. I was having dinner with my family...

With a last gasp of breath, I felt my life draining from my body. I felt no more pain. My body was slumped on the bench and I.. I, feeling so free, so weightless, floated away from my old-ridden body. Up and up I go. I narrowed my eyes against the overwhelming light and could make out 3 shapes floating in front of me -3 human shapes. They opened their arms in warm welcome.

With ghostly tears, I cried, "Mum! Dad! Little Anna!"

Back in... zzz

Let the nonsense begin! =D

Well, I'm back at dreary Kampar again... that's one thing. I'm starting my first year sem 3 - second thing... and I'm still... well, you know... bored.

It's a start of a new sem - a new beginning some might say but though, from what I've seen so far, it's gonna be the toughest semester ever! Biodiversity? well, we're taught by a lecturer who, well, has very high standards... that doesn't mean he's not a good lecturer lol - it's quite the opposite.

The statistics lecturer's okay I guess... if she could stop teaching to fast! :O I'll bet she can beat that new bullet train service introduced in China lol. She's just amazing - with one breath she could explain the whole slide. It's like... 'hmm... oh I see! I understand now! Haha! .... wueh? She's there on the next page already ar? Aiya...'

The Properties of Matter lecturer's fine too. It's rather surprising that I can understand most of what she's teaching about - bah! Physical chemistry? More like Pure physics in disguise >.> - but honestly I don't like that subject -at all-!

English... hmm... well, for starters I think she can teach well enough, but I'm afraid that she might not be as lenient as some of the younger lecturers. we shall see... Oh yeah! Our English tutor is someone worth mentioning about :D She talks oh so softly. A real gentle-lady I say! Yesterday in class, she told us to take turns reading a text. When it was my turn, my voice boomed throughout the whole classroom! The rest of the students were like Oo and I was like =P. Hahaha! Even the teacher seems a bit surprised? hmm hard to interpret her expression but it was FUNNEH! xD

Meh, CNY's just around the corner and I was like.. so... not in mood! It's not like I missed my mum playing the same old CNY kiddie songs in the wee hours of the morning (Note that my 'wee hours of the morning' = 8am - 9am). I just missed being with people with the CNY mood, ya know. Sigh. I haven't even eaten any of the CNY cookies I helped baked yet.

... writer's block... aiks!

What lah, I dunno what I want to type anymore. I remember there were 2 things that I would like to discuss on my blog but I simple can't remember what! Ish, getting older now? Yes, I am. I'm approaching my twenties and my mum said, 'No more Christmas presents for you now. You're too old.' Haizz. (Oh FYI, I'm not a Christian or anything but I like to join in on the fun during Christmas)

Old already la. I had just watched Time Traveller's Wife and, boy, it was amazing! I mean, the story is kind of choppy and confusing at times (I can't separate the older character with the younger version, they both look so the same! But ofc they're the same person after all) but the movie got me thinking...

Meh, I think I'd better start on my 'discussion' for my report. I'm tired but I can't sleep yet as long as I haven't finish my 'discussion'. I need to read for tomorrow's experiments too and ofc finish all these food that I've bought from pasar malam (I always accidentally bought too much food one >.>).

Haiz. I'm going now. Hopefully next time when I type something, it is something worth typing xD

C U!