I dunno how to describe this accurately but I'll try my best.
I feel as though I don't belong among my friends anymore. My uni best friend is giving me monotonous replies and posting very subtle tweets on twitter. She used to be very talkative - even on facebook - but it's like she's avoiding me. It's like she's not my friend anymore - she doesn't feel like her at all. What is wrong? Did she changed? Did I changed? Did we both changed? She's the kind of person who keeps in contact with her other friends - and I was the person who she interacted the most during uni days... was talking to me now me-muak-kan? Were our trips to new town for food and shopping just a fading memory? Was I a tool and that she was just using me? Was I such an annoyance that she doesn't wants to be friends anymore? I'm really sad... I've tried to keep in touch but I kept getting a cold wall-kinda feeling back... Should I try to find out what's wrong between us? Or should I just let this go and move on?
This is really depressing - I often felt as though that I'm living a lie. I guess I do sometimes.
Maybe that's what work will do to a person - change him/her until she/he's so alien to her/his 'ex-' friends? Will new friends do this? I'm just sad that I felt as though she had let all the good memories go while I was still clinging to the good ones.
We didn't changed for the better - the keep-in-touches are all echoes of a, what feels like a, distant past that, although are just a couple of months ago, but it seemed like forever. My greatest fear manifested itself in real life... how am I going to handle this? Should I ask her what's wrong? Should I just keep on guessing and making up reasons to as to why she's not who she used to be? Should I just give up and let go? (<- a 4-year friendship? Nah~!)
really la, I dunno why... Every attempt that I've made to initiate a conversation was abruptly ended as I found myself face-to-face with a ice-cold wall. Does a 8-year friendship means nothing to you - the person with so many friends that I will never even have the chance to meet? Others are not so bad - at least via their online activity or via sms conversations I could keep in touch (I'm making an effort here~! I, the person who do not believe in making small talk, is currently trying to make small talks) - you practically vanished from my radar. You became a long-lost friend... my 'long-lost' friend.
I am indeed sad - did you know I cried when I have the sudden realisation that within so short a few months, I've lost (or at least I've felt as though I've lost from the responses I've got from you) my dearest friend from my uni days? You may not realised how much impact you had in my uni life and you may even have the view that I am not that important in your uni life as well - I'm not that good at expressing my feeling when face-to-face talking or even typing it out in the open - I'm more private with my emotions and feelings but I'm just sad that you didn't catch any hint of this. Guess I'm just too good at hiding these sort of stuff eh?
Having new friends to fall back to if my old friends decided to dumped me afterall is a good thing I guess. At least now I'm doing something that I like
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