My thoughts on marriage

Stability... that's the priority. 

There are many types of stability and all of them must be at a acceptable level before any talks of marriage can even begin... like seriously. Emotional stability, for example, is important... (I'm not covering that here), so is financial stability. In fact, financial stability, IMHO, is perhaps one of the most important in this modern day and era... particularly in a country with increasing cost of living with no increase in income and a very unstable (ahem... low) currency value. 

I'm not much of a devil-may-care type of person and am more of a realist. I know how the current society is and if you want to live comfortably (my definition of "comfort" may differ from yours though) in it, having enough money and a stable career (so you can get a steady income of money) is a MUST! 

I mean, I'm not a materialist... I don't buy branded stuff if I can avoid it - the clothes at the market, pasar malam or Tesco work fine for me. I don't need to have a brand tag... along with its hefty price tag for all my belongings. In fact, I bought a pair of shoes (cloth-made sports shoes) at the Jelutong market around 2 years ago for a mere RM 10 and I'm still wearing it today... and I'll be wearing it until the soles became too worn out to walk without slipping lol.

That being said, I'm pretty certain no one likes to suffer... and especially in the beginning stages of a marriage where everything is in somewhat a turmoil (can you imagine trying to change your entire personal schedule to include your partner's? You can't be like "I do my stuff as usual and you do yours"... right?). 

Furthermore, you'll discover his habits that you may not like which you may have not known before, but will have to tolerate. In other words, it's a rather "chaotic" time of adjustment and adaptation... and will definitely take plenty of tolerance and understanding... you definitely wouldn't want something as important as "money issues" to pop up at that stage of life.  

I mean, if both your incomes are not enough to pay for the house mortgage/ loans/ bills and also for car loan/ insurance etc and that you have to work around the clock to make ends meet, nobody would be happy. I know quite a bit about that because I have personally experienced working almost non-stop before and I DO NOT recommend it to anyone. I feel so drained everyday that my mood is very volatile and I hardly get enough sleep due to worry... FYI, that time, I had to find a way to earn enough cash to cover my rather unexpected tuition fees without taking out my Fix Deposit and losing all my interest or borrowing money from my parents. 

So, if huge relationship-damaging stuff happen at that stage, I believe that there may be long term resentment... no matter how little, but there will be some... and that's not a good thing to have at the start of a new stage of life. 

BUT wait... before the haters come in and say that I'm a idealistic b**** - let me say that I won't demand or expect to have a "perfect" life... it's totally unrealistic after all. This means that I don't expect my bf (for example) to be rich before proposing for marriage. I don't need him to buy a condo home or a double-story house before proposing... a 2 - 3 room unit apartment is sufficient for me. Rental even, I don't mind... as long as I know he has the means in the future of getting a loan for a more permanent home - I'm not a nomad and will never be one. 

I don't need him to have a Mercedes or even a foreign-imported car.... as long as he has a working vehicle so that he can go to work. I will have my own means of buying my own car for me to go to work myself... I don't demand or expect him to pay for my own vehicle... though I may need his help to maintain the car in good conditions... I'm a major car noob :P

I don't want to have a future husband who have to get hand-outs from his parents to bail him out of monetary problems that he has the means of solving himself (but he won't or gives plenty of reasons not to). I want a life that is independent and self-sufficient until... well, if there's a little one involved, then all bets are off lol :P  

I also know that some guys don't really think these things through before proposing, but if too many serious problems came up after that, the blaming game will begin... heated arguments and such stuff. Even if the guy say "okay okay I let you win (this argument)"... so what? The problem is still there and it won't fix itself. The frustration will build up, the depression will set in... yeah you probably know the routine. Oh and I'm not the sort that believe in "time will fix everything". It may fix some things, but definitely not everything. 

Anyway, that's what I think and because of my discussions with my fellow girlfriends, I feel like I have to express this out in writing (writing is after all my forte! *winks* .... *cough* bragger.. *cough*) :P

So... you guys have any thoughts on this? I'm interested to hear how both sides of the gender feel about this issue. And do take note that my relationship condition may be a lot different from yours, so if you want to follow my "advice", don't blame me if it didn't work out as well for you... just saying! 

(I really should get a disclaimer to prevent getting sued when I write about these kinds of stuff xD) #NotReallyAPsychologistOrALoveGuru