Introverts - more info

Well, I'm pretty sure I am an introvert - a mild one perhaps. Anyway, I've found some excellent articles that describes what I feel. Links: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2003/03/caring-for-your-introvert/2696/;

"Introverts are people who find other people tiring."

- you know, I do realise I have to exert some effort to behave socially and that effort I find tiring, hence the space outs that I get when I withdraw into myself :|

"many introverts, when socializing, feel like actors" <-driving home another point

"Female introverts, I suspect, must suffer especially. In certain circles, particularly in the Midwest, a man can still sometimes get away with being what they used to call a strong and silent type; introverted women, lacking that alternative, are even more likely than men to be perceived as timid, withdrawn, haughty." - haizz

"Are introverts arrogant? Hardly. I suppose this common misconception has to do with our being more intelligent, more reflective, more independent, more level-headed, more refined, and more sensitive than extroverts. Also, it is probably due to our lack of small talk, a lack that extroverts often mistake for disdain. We tend to think before talking, whereas extroverts tend to think by talking, which is why their meetings never last less than six hours." - the last part is funny. Yea, I do plan what I want to say for meetings and fixed a time limit to end it (as fast as I can)

"Introverts don't outwardly complain, instead roll their eyes and silently curse the darkness." - guess what, right on! Again~

"Sometimes, as we gasp for air amid the fog of their 98-percent-content-free talk, we wonder if extroverts even bother to listen to themselves. Still, we endure stoically, because the etiquette books—written, no doubt, by extroverts—regard declining to banter as rude and gaps in conversation as awkward. " - Content-free talk<- now that's a phrase that I don't hear everyday! lol

"when you see an introvert lost in thought, don't say "What's the matter?" or "Are you all right?" - when I do that, don't bother me until I am ready to tell you about it but you can still act inquisitive so that I know you want to know what I am thinking...

"I can't tell you how many times I've been faced with confusion and even anger when I've felt the need to withdraw from a conversation, not because I dislike the people I'm talking to or because I'm disinterested, but because I need time to mull things over, calm down and relax. " - just so so so sad

"introverts are grouchy, stingy people who don't like others and don't know how they "should" act. " - I dunno whether I looked grouchy from the outside but I'm sure I don't know how to act in most social situations so I just kept silent (unless I have something interesting to share)

"Here's some of the questions/comments I get routinely:

Are you ok?

Ah look , there she goes spacing out again.

What's wrong?

Until I got to know you, I thought you were a snob.

Why are you so serious all the time

You have no sense of humor (yes I do. I just have a different one than you)

Why do you always ignore me

You're so aloof" - shit, so people DO view me as snobbish ><

"After a month of this, I realized that his "normal" state was to look indifferent/bored/grouchy, even if he was none of these things. " - lol, that was what I am unless I am thinking about something amusing and I will smile to myself lol

"I usually don't ask others questions about themselves, because I'm truly not interested. Some people take offense at that I guess, but I really don't care. Don't want to clutter up my mind with irrelevant information about someone I might never see again." - lol, do I do that often?

"I had many friends growing up and was comfortable being in social situations but often preferred to sit back and 'people watch.' " - well, I am not exactly that comfortable, especially if there are any 'strangers' that I do not associate well with or know them well enough

"Having people think this about me led to my not being invited to certain social gatherings, which did upset me." - guess what? I am upset now :(

"I knew a girl in college who thought I hated her (and therefore she hated me 'back') just because I didn't talk to her in class. She should have noticed that I only talked to about 3 people in that class, people who had already been my friends and the teacher." - lol, really, if I have to attend a class with all strangers, I will do my out most to avoid eye contact with anyone and keep quiet and listen - after I figure out, roughly, their 'types' (personality), I MIGHT approach the one with the 'type' that I admire/like or I will just go and talk to, perhaps, to the quietest in the class besides me.

"I had a long term extravert party-goer boyfriend dump me because he found me embarrassing to take to parties. Over the course of our relationship he took me to fewer and fewer and for shorter and shorter periods of time. When we were together, alone, we had a wonderful time. Apparently that wasn't enough.

And the reason he was embarrassed by me wasn't because I acted like an ass in public, but because I didn't feel awkward sitting by myself to people watch when I got tired of small talk (parties baffle me for this reason -- I like to go to them, but I like to be in the presence of company, not gossip with people I barely know about people I barely know or brag about how wonderful I am.). Then again, maybe from his perspective, that was acting like an ass.

"Japan has an introverted culture. When American children were asked in a study what they look for in friends, they said things like: fun, exciting, entertaining, nice. The Japanese students said things like: shy (to them it has the cogitation of being humble, thinking before speaking and not being overly proud), sensitive, thoughtful, kind." - I guess my friends are looking for the 'American' sort of friends lol (which I am not...)

“Pretty much everything you guys have said hits the nail on the head for me. I remain quiet about most things because you can't really start up a conversation with someone about metaphysics (something that interest me, for example), say, while waiting for the bus, being out shopping, or walking down the street. It's nice and all to exchange pleasantries, but is not enough to make a true friend in my opinion. My line of thought tends to go something like "well, they said hi to me and I mumbled a response... now what the heck am I supposed to say?" All the while I am wondering if this person is going to be a worthwhile person to talk to. I know I come off as a snob this way and I don't know what to do about it." - that is what I feel when I meet people on the streets/ at the mall. Most of the time, I keep so much to myself that I rarely spot the people around me. Also, mind giving me hints on starting small talk? I only know to talk about the weather or some recent disaster

"Drama is excellent when you can watch a proverbial train wreck from the sidelines. But honestly, most of the time I’m bored shitless and can’t wait to leave. " - when commenting on how she felt when she went out with her husband and his friends.

"Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations." - yup, I guess this is it

"What INTJs want is other people to make sense. This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete'" - lol, and my friends do call me naive sometimes but I often doubt I am.

"INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" " - ahahaha a bit like me saying oh well why not let's just try it and see? And I do believe I am full of ideas - whether useful ones or useless ones... I dunno lol

"Rational women tend to be late bloomers on the dating scene. They are sometimes unaware of or don't wish to follow cultural norms which dictate what is considered feminine. As they get older, men often appreciate their logic and general lack of emotional outbursts, along with the fact that Rational women tend to clearly state what they think and want." - I hope this is true, if not, I guess my parents will be very upset lol

"In college, she was ready to play the field. She would scan it for interesting people. What she most liked was having conversations on all kinds of topics from the newest movie out to the existence of alternate universes. She likes men who are playful and who listen to her freewheeling ideas. While she is interested in someday getting married, she's in no particular hurry for love." - surprisingly this paragraph is written for an ENTP inventor, and I can relate to most of what it says

"As a child I was very introverted, often spending my time on the computer, reading, playing video games, or pursuing other solo hobbies. I’d spend time outdoors biking, exploring the nearby fields and hills (which today are filled with houses), or shooting hoops, but I’d usually favor doing these things alone or with people I knew very well. I never felt too comfortable around strangers, and I never cared for big family events." - yes, I do prefer solo hobbies and avoid huge family gatherings as much as I can

And I find people enormously draining. It makes my job as a teacher very counter-intuitive and exhausting. It's the reason I teach special ed." - another point

"When I am not allowed to be alone for a time, I go batshit crazy. " - yes, and do something extremely reckless (IMO)

"Introverts find extroverts shallow and exasperating, but we put up with them because a) they are so many of them b) extroverts may be great folks, but they just don't get it when you tell them you'd prefer silence over hearing their rapidly altering views c) its bad enough having to ask for silence, an introvert would rather die than ask more than once " - the extros that I know are good folks, and when I need silence, I just withdraw and space out, but if I need to ask for silence, I would rather die than ask lol ><

"Japan has an introverted culture. When American children were asked in a study what they look for in friends, they said things like: fun, exciting, entertaining, nice. The Japanese students said things like: shy (to them it has the cogitation of being humble, thinking before speaking and not being overly proud), sensitive, thoughtful, kind." - I guess my friends are looking for the 'American' sort of friends lol (which I am not...)

“Pretty much everything you guys have said hits the nail on the head for me. I remain quiet about most things because you can't really start up a conversation with someone about metaphysics (something that interest me, for example), say, while waiting for the bus, being out shopping, or walking down the street. It's nice and all to exchange pleasantries, but is not enough to make a true friend in my opinion. My line of thought tends to go something like "well, they said hi to me and I mumbled a response... now what the heck am I supposed to say?" All the while I am wondering if this person is going to be a worthwhile person to talk to. I know I come off as a snob this way and I don't know what to do about it." - that is what I feel when I meet people on the streets/ at the mall. Most of the time, I keep so much to myself that I rarely spot the people around me. Also, mind giving me hints on starting small talk? I only know to talk about the weather or some recent disaster

"Drama is excellent when you can watch a proverbial train wreck from the sidelines. But honestly, most of the time I’m bored shitless and can’t wait to leave. " <- when commenting on how she felt when she went out with her husband and his friends.

"Personal relationships, particularly romantic ones, can be the INTJ's Achilles heel. While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations." - yup, I guess this is it

"What INTJs want is other people to make sense. This sometimes results in a peculiar naivete'" - lol, and my friends do call me naive sometimes but I often doubt I am.

"INTJs are idea people. Anything is possible; everything is negotiable. Whatever the outer circumstances, INTJs are ever perceiving inner pattern-forms and using real-world materials to operationalize them. Others may see what is and wonder why; INTJs see what might be and say "Why not?!" " - ahahaha a bit like me saying oh well why not let's just try it and see? And I do believe I am full of ideas - whether useful ones or useless ones... I dunno lol

"Rational women tend to be late bloomers on the dating scene. They are sometimes unaware of or don't wish to follow cultural norms which dictate what is considered feminine. As they get older, men often appreciate their logic and general lack of emotional outbursts, along with the fact that Rational women tend to clearly state what they think and want." - I hope this is true, if not, I guess my parents will be very upset lol

"In college, she was ready to play the field. She would scan it for interesting people. What she most liked was having conversations on all kinds of topics from the newest movie out to the existence of alternate universes. She likes men who are playful and who listen to her freewheeling ideas. While she is interested in someday getting married, she's in no particular hurry for love." - surprisingly this paragraph is written for an ENTP inventor, and I can relate to most of what it says

"As a child I was very introverted, often spending my time on the computer, reading, playing video games, or pursuing other solo hobbies. I’d spend time outdoors biking, exploring the nearby fields and hills (which today are filled with houses), or shooting hoops, but I’d usually favor doing these things alone or with people I knew very well. I never felt too comfortable around strangers, and I never cared for big family events." - yes, I do prefer solo hobbies and avoid huge family gatherings as much as I can