Wasting my life away

Well, this article hits most things spot on. Do take a look if you've got the time: http://adf.ly/qixqc

1. You spend too much time doing things you shouldn’t be doing. - TRUE I suppose lol...

I'm not sure whether that I'm spending a few hours a day gaming and surfing the net or facebooking is such a bad thing. I often find that I do not have enough time and I feel absolutely depressed by it and then I'll try to carve time out for my personal stuff (like my WoW - 1hr+-2hrs, facebooking - reading about interesting stuff like the article above - 1hr+-2hrs, blogging - 1hr sometimes, reading - sometimes, watching documentaries - science ones, sometimes). Heck, I used to have time to watch TV series and now I practically no longer watch ANY TV series. I don't even watch the TV forgawdsake. Sigh.

2. You find yourself complaining a lot. - TRUE

Yes, I do. From the very annoying and unruly kids at my tuition classes to having to 'waste time' doing stuff for my employers/un-appreciative kids at the tuition centre for NO whatsoever pay, from the overwhelming workload and demands at the lab (I think they kinda expect that I devote 24 hrs per day for my lab related work since I'm supposedly a 'full-time' student LOL WTF!) to the ridiculous 6-MONTH-LONG delays for my MAIN project, from the online part-time employer of mine who needed me to keep reminding him to pay me EVERY MONTH (and what's better is that after reminding, he'll delay some more. Unfortunately for him, I'm resigning right after I get my March salary. It's getting ridiculous...) I seriously friggin HATE DELAYS. And there I was wondering why am I putting myself through all this when I could have just taken a fcking job (ANY fcking job, no matter how fcking low-paying it is) and work for only 8 hrs a day (excluding OTs... which actually pays as well) and I get the rest of the day and weekends off to spend with my family. Yes, so there. I'm just a bundle of negativity lol.

3. You don't feed your mind. - FALSE

Oh, this one's so wrong. I've watched scientific documentaries, read scientific articles on latest scientific advancements, and I'm currently trying to learn multiple foreign languages (plus a Morse code) at once LOL. Yeah, well, I'm gonna take those real slow now :)

4. You have plenty of negative self-talk. - TRUE, I suppose

I'm, by nature, a strong self-critic (as, I suppose, you can see from the way I often write about myself :P). I beat myself down constantly but ofc, I do give myself compliments from time to time. However, I do often say that I'm just too exhausted... too burned out to change anything about my life at the moment, which might just be true (refer to 11.). I need to solve that problem first!

5. You feel uninspired. - damn TRUE

I used to have plenty of enthusiasm and passion for science. I wanted to help people, to make the world better, but what I've seen in so-called 'research labs' are plenty of politics, money-grabbing and stealing (from grants), petty squabbles, questionable results (whereby some people can just ignore some points, outer points that do not fit with their 'trend'), egoistic supervisors, illogical, fake and unreasonable people, and plenty of failed experiments. Although I do not mind failing (as it is a part of getting success, right?), but failing repeatedly when I've already tried so hard and so long (and with consulting with those 'experienced' seniors) is terribly discouraging. Plus, I'm a strong self-critic... so yeah, it's not very good to my mental heath or state of mind in any way. Or maybe this is only at my lab and I had that misfortune to experience this. I've lost of passion for doing lab work, but my passion for science in general still burns (hence, I still read up on scientific advancements)

6. You don't plan for your future - Maybe TRUE or NOT

I'm not sure how detailed you need to plan for your future coz from what I know, detailed plans are meant to not-go-according-to-plan. Deviations/events/things will happen... definitely. New unexpected opportunities may crop up too. However, my current plan is to get the hell out of my lab (graduate THIS YEAR) and then find a nice, comfy job that is slightly challenging (and then I'll swap jobs when I needed more challenge). Start saving plenty of money for my retirement, for my parents' sure-to-come medical costs, for my own sure-to-come medical costs (I'll either get dementia since I'm very forgetful even I'm just 24 yrs old or arthritis since my knees hurt sometimes when I climb stairs and stuff - doctors told me to ignore those pain LOL since I'm still 'young'), for future kids' education fund (currently very unlikely. Since working at the tuition centre, I have a major dislike for little kids), for my OWN car and house etc etc

7. You spend too much time with people who don’t contribute to your growth. - hmm, not sure.

IMHO, I hardly spend any time with any other people at all. I'm not really sociable, but I'm not really anti-social as well (I hope). I just don't like talking to people that I dislike or that I don't know well. The only few people that I frequently spend time with are my BF, my co-supervisor, my (guy) senior, my parents and uh various other people. I do find that my BF has a chronic (refer to 1) attitude, but then each has their own ways of coping with stress.

8. You’re addicted to your phone. - definitely FALSE

Nope. Phones or smartphones IMHO are good for 1. SMS-ing, 2. calling people and for people without an alarm clock, 3. alarm clock or clock (if you don't have a watch). Sometimes, you might use it for jotting notes on the go or setting reminders on your calendar. An occasional game of Freecell while doing big business (hehe ;)) is fine as well.

9. You spend money on things that don’t matter. - FALSE

Unless food doesn't matter or petrol or books, then this is definitely false for me. I'm not a very fashion-chasing person and if I can get something for free (especially considering that I'm currently kinda tight on money), I will get it for free. 

10. You don’t get enough sleep. - TRUE enough sometimes

Since I'm kinda tight for time as well as money, I find myself sleeping at 1-2am usually (which totally broke my new year resolution LOL). However, I have a rule that I have to get at least 6 hrs or more sleep per day so that I'm awake enough to be able to drive long-distances (1 hr highway trips) to my lab and back.

11. You’re not taking care of your body. - TRUE

I believe this is absolutely true. It's not because I skip meals (although I do, sometimes); it's not that I do not usually eat a balanced diet (does having McD two times per week count? :P); it's probably because 1. I hardly ever eat fruits nowadays (Very true) and 2. I practically don't exercise (I do stand/walk around for prolong periods of time during tuition classes and when I'm in the lab though). Hence, I find myself easily sick from the flu to bloating. I really gotta change this... (have been saying this since last month :()

12. You don’t leave your comfort zone. - TRUE?

I'm not sure I even have a comfort zone yet... hmm, maybe it's that I'm a bit clingy to my family. I like being at home and I'm not in a hurry to move out of here (since 1. I'm short on money and 2. the purpose of doing a masters in Penang in the first place is because I wanted to spend more time with my parents - before heading off to Singapore or something to work). 

13. You’re living a life you don’t like. - YES, somewhat.

At the moment, I daresay, I don't like many aspects of my life. And that article is right when it says I have to change my thinking first... more like I should overcome my fear/ my chronic worrying syndrome... then I can slowly start changing my life. I would like to start with taking good care of myself and, then, I'll start be more active in keeping in touch with friends and with my grandma (I hardly went to her house since I started working weekends. I used to go to market with her and my parents for breakfast and some shopping). 

However, to focus on the good stuff, I realised that I like teaching science to Form 1 kids (although my Bahasa suck balls lol. Pardon the vulgarity, I can't help it :P). I realised that I like learning new languages. I realised that I like doing these sort of self-reflection blog posts to lay out what I'm thinking or feeling as clearly as possible so that I can try and make good decisions from it. I like being able to spend time with my BF at the cinemas or testing out new food :) I like to read or watch about scientific stuff (new or old, but mainly biology related ones since I'm not really into physics... except astronomy hehe :P). I like drawing diagrams or figures to explain a scientific concept. I like creating creative and original questions for various subjects of various standards or forms (why nobody is paying me to create exam papers or compile questions for reference books? T.T). There are more to this ofc, but these are the more recent ones.

So, that's it I suppose. This is going to be a very hectic week, so don't expect plenty of posts like this (that needed plenty of thinking ahaha) unless I'm just (finally) publishing one of my drafts. Cya! Till next Sunday - the only day that I actually have enough time to self-reflect and not to be rushing here and there and everywhere.