I've been away from home for almost half a year now and I still can't get the niggling feeling of homesickness out from my mind and the sadness that comes with it. I thought I could conquer this. I thought I could be stronger. All my previous assumptions are, so far, downright wrong.
As a more family-orientated person, I tend to be very closely attached to my family and perhaps too reliant on them. This is the main reason why I'm here in boring kampar rather than comfortably at home - I want to learn to be independent. However, so far, I think I've made a mess of it although I did learned something from this (shall I say, traumatic?) experience. All I've done is just to weaken the link between me and my family, namely my brother. Yes, I've made some really good friends here but still they couldn't fill in the gaping hole that once contained my familiar home and its occupants - my dear family. I feel as though I've lost them. A wide gulf with unpassable waters now separates us.
Previously, my bro and I were very close bud.s, associates in 'crime' but now we rarely chatted anymore. The occasional 'sms' or MSN messages would come but it's not at all like what it is before. No more friendly wit wars (I'm not a very witty person but I would still like to polish up whatever wit I have). No more crazy talk. Not even a nice bro-and-sis chat. Nothing. It bleeds my heart to see our siblings relationship getting looser each passing day.
Actually, I've been keeping this in my heart for quite a long time now and I feel a little better being able to finally trade this sadness for peace even though it's for awhile.
Not only I'm feeling rather dreadful, I'm quite certain (from our frequent chatting) that my parents miss me greatly too. Both sides are suffering all because of my decision to learn independence. Is the cost that came with this decision too great? Perhaps, just perhaps, I've finally made the worst choice ever in my entire lifetime?
Just an advice to all those people out there who are thinking of studying away from home, especially if you planning to study overseas, look into your own eyes in the mirror and consider this before you make your decision for your future, answer truthfully to yourself - Can you bear the thought of not seeing your family or going home for a few months/years?
Original date of publish: February 8, 2009 at 9:38 am
As a more family-orientated person, I tend to be very closely attached to my family and perhaps too reliant on them. This is the main reason why I'm here in boring kampar rather than comfortably at home - I want to learn to be independent. However, so far, I think I've made a mess of it although I did learned something from this (shall I say, traumatic?) experience. All I've done is just to weaken the link between me and my family, namely my brother. Yes, I've made some really good friends here but still they couldn't fill in the gaping hole that once contained my familiar home and its occupants - my dear family. I feel as though I've lost them. A wide gulf with unpassable waters now separates us.
Previously, my bro and I were very close bud.s, associates in 'crime' but now we rarely chatted anymore. The occasional 'sms' or MSN messages would come but it's not at all like what it is before. No more friendly wit wars (I'm not a very witty person but I would still like to polish up whatever wit I have). No more crazy talk. Not even a nice bro-and-sis chat. Nothing. It bleeds my heart to see our siblings relationship getting looser each passing day.
Actually, I've been keeping this in my heart for quite a long time now and I feel a little better being able to finally trade this sadness for peace even though it's for awhile.
Not only I'm feeling rather dreadful, I'm quite certain (from our frequent chatting) that my parents miss me greatly too. Both sides are suffering all because of my decision to learn independence. Is the cost that came with this decision too great? Perhaps, just perhaps, I've finally made the worst choice ever in my entire lifetime?
Just an advice to all those people out there who are thinking of studying away from home, especially if you planning to study overseas, look into your own eyes in the mirror and consider this before you make your decision for your future, answer truthfully to yourself - Can you bear the thought of not seeing your family or going home for a few months/years?
Original date of publish: February 8, 2009 at 9:38 am
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