Sometimes, being angry or upset or even hurt at something for too long is just downright damaging to yourself. Why stay in the dark zone when you can go to the light? Why torture yourself over something other people did?
I know I was rather emo and hurt over something my bf said but well, although it did changed me a little, I'm over it - *snap* just like that :) I'm not one for keeping grudges especially towards people who I love =)
but this is not exactly the reason I wrote this blog post coz that part I've realised it long ago and had used it as one of my life's principles :P
What I've realised recently is that the aura at my lab is rather bad these days - tension is running high. People kept getting upset, offended, arguing... I wonder... is it because people are cooped too much? Isolation is one of the characteristics of a research mode, postgrad student. I wonder who made it this way? Is it because the people who decided to do postgrad are people who are this way? Probably... hmm. I don't actually know what I'm typing here lol... I just type away. I don't even think hmm! :\
Now, to the main question, to continue or not to continue? I mean sure, I'm definitely going to stick it through for masters, but for PhD.. hmm is it necessary? Honestly speaking, I believe that I want to do PhD because the title is cool haha - I'm that crazy and well... vain in some sense :P
But now that I have different life's priorities, I should really reconsider... I suspect Dr Tang will try to drag my PhD (if I really go into this) until 5 years lo... by then I would be 28 with no proper and established career and no proper planning for the future and probably with some mental illness or trauma for being used for so long @.@ shit.... but if really 3 years only, then I can get a doctorate at 26! And my future path is clear :)
but if masters, what kind of job (that I like) can I get? hmm. 2 years for masters means that I will be out among the unemployed at 25 with only slightly higher (a few hundred ringgit) pay coz of that masters cert. Maybe I should really consider going to Singapore. hmm...
I want a better life for myself, my future family and my current family - and I believe a doctorate would help me achieve that. But if its deteriorating effect caused me to change into some evil, sadistic monster who will manipulate their future students in the same way I was, then I'd rather let this go. Yue Rong said not all lecturers are as manipulative as Dr Tang - I know he's a good supervisor, but his way of manipulating his students is something that I, not only dislike, but loath. I really cannot see eye to eye with people like this. He may say he saw potential in me and wanted me to do better so keep adding objectives once I've completed them fast enough - so I cannot graduate earlier... then FU, I'll be off earning some real money instead.
haiz, HL agrees with what he does but each person's are entitled to their opinion. And there I've said it. People like this are like dirt to me. :\ Why can't people just care for other people and get along? They just the selfish bastards that they always are... I mean, ya, sometimes I can be a selfish bastard as well, but you're an EDUCATOR - if you don't care for your student's studies, and besides the students themselves, then who will? Using students as free labour is just downright wrong - you may say you taught us stuff so you're entitled to use your students... well HELLO! reality check, who is the person earning RM 10 000 per month while the rest of us is toiling endlessly coz of your too-big ego. You are earning an income to TEACH your students, NOT to use your students. What do we get from all of this? A f-ing cert that's all. All we want is that f-ing cert and we'll be out of your hair. hmm.
Okay, I'm going to chill before I go to sleep. Tmr will be better - keep telling yourself that and you'll crawl through. and I WILL crawl through, even if I had to crawl using my teeth...
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